100,000th post

[JG]

I think I've peaked too early. I'm not going to clock watch and snap in my entry one nanosecond before blast off, that'd be churlish. I'll accept my position of being the 99,984th poster and sign off and let someone more deserving win the non existant coveted prize for the 100,000th post.

My money is on a Lukestar variant/crew member posting something bitter and uninspiring.

Here is one of the first ever short stories posted on the UKFMP, a site run by the legendary Jon Morris, a JPM player who helped run a family mobile phone business, he also mentioned that he drove a Ford Focus RS.


* So here it is thought Jackpot George. The UKFMP in
real life. It was one thing to log on and post a
harmless message here and there, but to travel down to
London and actually visit the pages was quite
astounding. Jackpot George had to pick up some courage
to actually come here in person and ten pubs and a few
hours later, he had finally arrived.

The empty warehouse stood about 30 foot tall and 100
feet wide. Two large corrugated iron doors with UKFMP
painted in red paint marked the entrance. Jackpot
George clumsily heaved open one of the large front
doors.
"Jshon? Jshon?", he called.
A faint echo whispered from one of the breezier
corners of the derilict warehouse. If anyone else was
here, they weren't in a hurry to introduce themselves
to this bizarre drunken reveller from the Midlands.
"Old Schhhoool? H2? Padyounin learner?" belched
Jackpot George.
"By the rivers of Babylon......Brown girl in the
ring..la la la la la."
Once again a faint whisper from the heart of the
building.
"Anyone here in perschon or online?"
The ghastly hollow silence remained steadfastly
defying Jackpot George's drunken inquisitions.

"I wanto buy a mobile scone!"
A voice cracked from an intercom
<< crackle....YAAAaaaaawn! I presume you're after the
latest in digital satellite technology not a portable
tasty savoury snack?>>

"A phone in a schone would be nice...I've got the
munshees...is that Jshon? Jschonofon Morris of the
fruit pages...I wanto buy a phone."

<< Well you've come to the right place. Jon Morris
Commnuications is a well established, family run
company offerring service second to none to all our
customers. How can I help?>>

Jackpot George took a deep breath of fresh air and
composed himself. No more slurred consonants.

"Is that Jon Morris?"

<< Speaking.>>

"I'm err..intereschted in one of those Motorolas. You
know the errrrm ones with the special front."

<< We have some in stock...>>

"Yes. Lovely phone. The front does one full
REVO.....REVO...REVOLUTION!"

<< It certainly does.>>

"I'd look like a BIG CHEESE with one of those phones."

<< Absolutely and JM comminications would throw in a
hands free kit, 3 personalised ring tones and some
other little extras at no extra cost!>>

"HOT STUFF!"

<< Anything to make the customer happy.>>

"You're the ULTIMO in mobile phone shops Jon."

<< Are you actually interested in purchasing a phone?
You're not just shouting names of AWP machines at 3 in
the morning to wind me up are you?>>

"No. NO! Jschno. I love you. I wnat a schone no a
bone....phone."

<< This wouldn't be the intercom to the UKFMP
warehouse by any chance would it?>>

"Jon. This is Jschapot Gschurge. I've jhad a bit to
drink and I've always wanted to do this."

<< What?! Wake me up a 3 in the morning with insane
requests for mobile scones?>>

"No. I mean itsch one thing posting messages on the
int...intraternet. But to come here in perons...in
PERSCHON is anover thing altogether. I love the
atmospfere, I can jiust feel al the postings that have
(BURP!) ever been made. Padwin lurner...h2...2 down
for the melons.....i betch (BURP!) they've all bin in
here and now (BELCH!) I can add my name to the list."

HUUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

"Sorry Jons. Just a bit of err sick on this car here.
fink it'fs a Focus Ford RS. I've made a bit of
amess...sorry jus a bit drunk..."

<< Jackpot George! >>

"yep. sos. fruit talk. you know on revolver on 10p a
go if you getch on the board it only lets you gambel
on casssh pot. prhaps if you force out jackpoto on
this you can always get streak? boards take tool
ooooonnn...."

<< JACKPOT GEORGE KINDLY SHUT UP. IT'S 3 O'CLOCK IN
THE MORNING. STOP PRATTING AROUND. I'M A FAIRLY LAID
BACK BLOKE NORMALLY BUT QUITE FRANKLY I JUST WISH
YOU'D LEAVE. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BAR YOU FROM POSTING
VIA THE INTERNET AS WELL. THIS REALLY IS TOO SILLY
PRETENDING TO BE SICK ON MY CAR. THIS INTRUSION HAS
BEEN MOST UNWELCOME. GO BACK HOME. NOW GOODNIGHT AND
GOOD RIDDANCE.>>

I awoke from my alcohol induced stupor to find myself
on a train back to the Midlands. Some kind soul (h2,
booked Moss?) had put me back on the next train home.
I'd like to apologise to Jon for bungling into the
UKFMP warehouse and being sick on his car. Sorry. Next
time we'll have a serious discussion. Lotta Luck to
Fort Boyard or something like that. Perhaps I better
stick to staying on line. Goodnight. Once again, sorry
and I hope this makes it on line.

Jackpot George, eating humble pie. *





Praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

[bigv038]

Word round the camp fire is that after the 99,999th post gets posted admin will post a new emptier for the VIP boys

[admin]

** admin wishes he had one to tell **

[Istenem]

if we had 4998 fingers on each hand, this would be the tenth post

[admin]

That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for fruitchat.

[bigv038]

[quote="admin"]That's one small step for a man]

Was this the 100,000th post then? Nice to see I won the lotto on the day of the 100,000th post :P

[admin]

Certainly was