Suicide

[clarkey1984]

this may be a big post, but here goes...


My best mate, actually ill tell the truth, as well as being my best mate she's also the true love of my life to be honest, i love this girl to the moon and back and would go to the ends of the earth for her.

Her dad committed suicide when she was 6 years old, he suffered from serious depression and one night he got tanked up on whisky, tied some concrete slabs around his own feet and dived into a deep river.

Anybody in a sound frame of mind cant really comtemplate how anybody could even consider doing this, i know i certianly couldnt do that, but the mind works in very odd ways sometimes, especially when an illness such as chronic depression is a factor, it massively effects rationality and if you end up in such a serious depressive state anything is possible, even taking your own life, as he sadly did.

My 'friend' does'nt resent him for what he did, as by all accounts he suffered this terrible depression for much of his life and was so tormented throughout it, she sees it as he got his release from it, and is now at peace.

However, after events that i dont wish to go into took place over the holiday period we have just had, she has now been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a condition that (for those that arent familiar with it) basically causes very magnified emotional episodes, you can be really really up (manic) or really really low (depressive) and there are also mixed behavioural states as well, where you can be both manic and depressive all rolled into one, which is displayed with very unpredictable moods, smiling and laughing one minute, and two minutes later huddled in the corner in tears, there are also other symptoms, such as hallucinations, which she has had.

Her boyfriend, who is also a good friend, has basically thrown his hands up in the air over this and ran a mile from her, as far as he can see, its not his problem, he doesnt want to be the lad who is known for being with the 'mad' girl, a very immature attitude to take IMO, i thought more of him than this, talk about kick her when she's down!

So she has now moved out of their place, is back at her mums, scared out of her skin about whats going to happen next, with what she thought was a so called devoted bloke who's just fucked off at the first sign of trouble!

I know she's got her mum there, but she is so incredibly low right now that i am literally shitting it about what could be potentially going through her head, she's back at her mums, shes had to give up her job, her blokes buggered off, thers nobody (apart from me) who she can talk to and who understands this condition and what she is going through (my grandad had this all his life, so i naturally picked up a few bits about it) so to her, whats the point anymore, thats what she told me during a 3 hour phonecall last night.

Now, im not religious, but im praying to anyone that will listen that she can get through this difficult time relitively unscathed, i have already told her that i am not her ex, he might have fucked off like a wanker but i certianly dont intend to, im gonna be the best friend i can be (coz thats all it can be, my feelings for her have to take a back seat now) and stick by here through it all, as much as i can and as much as she needs me, i love her too much to walk away, i could never leave her, not like this.

[Been-Grant-Mitchell'd!]

There are some very genuine and truthful posts in this thread, and many of us on the forum can relate to them in some way or other.

I, myself had a bad time round my young adult life, and was in a state where I cared about nothing. As Rich in his post above points out: money along with everything else just doesn't matter. I could tell by your recent posts Rich that you weren't really enjoying life to the full at the moment mate, the way you say you couldn't be arsed to go out on the fruits etc.

Now my attitude to life is a lot different. Now I think: "Why worry about something I can do nothing about ?" 

However, in the vast majority of cases where people see no alternative to suicide or whatnot, eventually things DO get better in time, and you'll look back at those dark times like i have done and think "What was that all about?"

One of the reasons I give to charity each month (Cancer Research & McMillan) is to think I help to make a difference to some less fortunate people out there. 

[sir ratholer]

Some good posts, I especially agree with cannonball who says life is what YOU make it.

Having said that, depression isn't a choice. It hits you and affects your mind to such a degree that even a basic daily mundane task is virtually impossible. All sense of logic and rationale is lost. I was on prozac for ~2 years and successfully weaned myself off it. I did try other medication first but it didn't work well for me.

Clarkey - I don't know if you know the INS and outs of your friends bf leaving her over the bipolar issues, but don't judge him too badly. Living with someone with bipolar is virtually impossible, and i know that as well as anyone. The side where someone turns super low all the time is truly horrendous and your friend has probably morphed into a vicious person overnight, if she has this affliction.

[clarkey1984]

You make a valid point there sir ratholer, and im not judging him, well, maybe i am a little bit, but he has always been very upfront about how she was the best thing that has ever happened to him and without her he would probably still be some drugged up waster dossing about at his old mans house and shes the reason for him becoming a reformed character and turning his life around and how he is oh so grateful and would do anything for her and loves her so much etc, yet as soon as this diagnosis came in he was off like a shot, just seems a little contradictory to what he has said all this time, its the seemingly blase attitude of oh well its not me whos got it so it aint my problem, and the fact that he will not even discuss it with her or anyone else, he's not even willing to give it a go, wont even try, thats the bit that seems kind of harsh.

You are also correct that it is FAR from easy living with someone when they are in a depressive state, although having said that, someone with bipolar in a manic state can be tricky to deal with too!

As i mentioned, my grandad had this all his life so i kind of know some of what it intails, not that im an expert on it of course, you just pick up stuff and remember it i suppose, plus when i lived with my (now ex) fiancee, the lady over the road also had bipolar, one day she pretty much smashed the whole house up for seemingly no reason that anyone else could see, but it was later discovered that she was in what they call a mixed state at the time, high and low together, and didnt really know what was going on, and so became majorly paranoid, thought things were after her, hiding in the house etc, so she wrecked the place.

[Mr McStreak]

There are some very genuine and truthful posts in this thread, and many of us on the forum can relate to them in some way or other.

I, myself had a bad time round my young adult life, and was in a state where I cared about nothing. As Rich in his post above points out: money along with everything else just doesn't matter. I could tell by your recent posts Rich that you weren't really enjoying life to the full at the moment mate, the way you say you couldn't be arsed to go out on the fruits etc.

Now my attitude to life is a lot different. Now I think: "Why worry about something I can do nothing about ?" 

However, in the vast majority of cases where people see no alternative to suicide or whatnot, eventually things DO get better in time, and you'll look back at those dark times like i have done and think "What was that all about?"

One of the reasons I give to charity each month (Cancer Research & McMillan) is to think I help to make a difference to some less fortunate people out there. 

What you say is pretty much spot on. My mother gives to several charities, which address issues that have affected the family personally, and we both donate to the RSPCA and other animal charities. Not much, but I love dogs and to feel that i'm sparing an animal somewhere some misery puts a smile on my face.

I've just come back from a week snowboarding in the Alps, didn't enjoy it as much as i'd hoped mainly because the snow wasn't great. I was really looking forward to going, but felt deflated after a day or so and couldn't wait to get back. Had I not been sober all the time I may have enjoyed it more, but never mind. The holiday was spent in the company of good people, (10 of us went) all with different, and interesting takes on life. The 2 highlights of the holiday were the transfer from Geneva airport, a near 3 hour journey but with breathtaking scenery, and a labrador that hung around outside the ski apartments, who would follow us for 10 mins til we got to the ski lift. He was there most mornings and would spot us and just run after us!

Getting out of the country gives me the incentive I need to put the hours in and save up for the next holiday. Despite this, tomorrow i'll be watching 3 live football games back to back down the pub with a bottle of water. You can pretty much count me out of the game at the moment, until my next edge comes along. And when it does i'll be fresh enough to take full advantage.