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On a lighter note....
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:53 pm
by MrRed
What with all the depression regarding £70's............
Something happened today
On my way around some fruits bumped into the law
I had pulled up on the pavement to light up a cigarette
Suddenly my coat sleeve goes up in flames
So i start waving it furiously out of the window
A police car turns and the pc says 'gonna have to nick you mate'
Why i said
'carrying a firearm'
He then says 'why are you on the pavement'
I said 'got no road tax'
He says 'has this car ever been checked'
I said 'no its always been red'
Sorry, i'll get my coat
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:39 pm
by trayhop123
what do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair ???
park 'n' ride
i'll get me cape
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:02 pm
by MrRed
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash 'n' carry
.
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:16 pm
by milk monitor
What's got 8 legs and scares women.........................gang rape.
Statistics say that 9 out of ten people enjoy gang rape.......
Sorry about the gang rape theme
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:19 pm
by trayhop123
statistics show that death is still the number 1 killer in the uk
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:55 pm
by Cardinal Sin
A woman runs into a police station screaming "I've been graped. I've been graped!!!"
The officer looks at her and says "Do you not mean raped?"
The woman replies "No! There was a bunch of them!"
I'll get my rug.
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:05 pm
by mr lugsy
tramp walks into jewellers,pulls down his filthy stinking piss stained trousers and totally disgusting y-fronts.he squats on the floor in the middle of the shop and starts to thrust his crud caked middle finger deep into his own arse.the horrified manager runs over to him and screams,"what the bloody hell do you think you're doing you dirty old bastard"? the tramp replies "well, the sign outside says come inside and pick your ring in comfort".
my jacket please garcon.
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:15 pm
by JG
Uuurgh that's thoroughly disgusting, almost as bad as that horrible trampy lady on The Antiques Roadshow last week.
She brought an old tampon with her and the expert peers over his half moon spectacles and says "I'm not quite sure I can put a value on that".
She says "I don't give a rat's ass about the money, I just want to know what period it's from".
These jokes are terrible aren't they? Who writes them? I left my coat at home as I knew that's where I'd be heading.
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:22 pm
by trayhop123
paddy and murphy walking down the street ,,,,,,, (paddy has a black bag over his shoulder )
murphy '' what you got there paddy ?
paddy '' sheep in a bag ,,,, tell you what if you can guess how many , i'll let you keep em
both
murphy '' 3
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:28 pm
by 999329753
You put your transfer in, your transfer out, in out, in out, you fuck your club out, you do the christiano and you change your mind, thats what its all about. Ohhh ronaldos a wanker, ohh ronaldos a wanker, ohh ronaldos a wanker, knees bent, arms stretched, DIVE, DIVE, DIVE.
kermit the frog has caught swine flu after having unprtected sex with miss piggy - what a muppet!!
Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 6:12 am
by betchrider
Paddy in the pub having a swift un when murphy runs in"Paddy paddy somebodies just nicked your car!"Paddy says back"did you get a look at em?""no" murphy says"but i took the registration"
Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:23 am
by MrRed
Susan Boyle has a photo shoot today.
Simon cowell wants her surrounded by ugly people.
The bus leaves at 9 make sure your all on it!