Fruit Machine Chat

Usual crap till 3pm.. Early start.. 4am, 3 school runs, shopping ect...

Then i made the fatal mistake of offering to " trim " back some ivy from on top of the 3 garage roofs in the pub yard as there re fitting for a beer garden..... In exchang for 5 pints in the pump while working....

Fuck me... never knew ivey branches could grow so thick n wide.... after 10 minuets i gained the worlds biggest blister on my finger, and snapped a pair of borrowed secatours... so i unleashed the black n decker power hand saw......

5 minuets of slashing through the twatt like knife through butter.... I went through a 3 core, non armour plated wire to a light that had been hidden for fuck knows how long to light up the door way that was covered...

Cue a pub black out as it is run from the main board via a loop from the 500 wt security light.... cabbages, ffs...


Sorted that, went back on the roof just to fall straight through it at the heaviest point of growth... as its chip board flat roofing that has been rotting.." for years "... .. YEAH.....THANKS FOR TELLING ME"..


Now I'm back at home. nursing a finger the size of Texas, an ancle thats blacker than Will Smith, and my face i can look in the mirror and think.. " geeze, my parents were tribal voodoo's, i can see the brighter side and laugh... just glad i landed on the wheelie bins lol.... 1 ft further accross and it was a concret floor and death........


Makes you think tbh... well.. made me hobble for a beer at the bar lmfao.


Another great escape tbh..... i should be road kill in all honesty, think iv'e just about exahested my 9 lives..!!!!

so the moral of that story is ,,,,,,,,,,,,, next time you have a fruit mysteriously go off , check the garden for jpfuk falling head over tit through a roof.
:P

and never lend him any secatours ,,,,,,,,

via a loop from the 500 wt security light.... cabbages, ffs...

Great anecdote, though!

.. You kiddin me Matt... the fuckin thing almost killed me.. well, not the cut through, but the fall........ if i stood for th U.S.A candateship RIGHT NOW.. I'm that black n blue, I'de be elected as the newest saviour of the cotten pickers lol.....

Was amusing after the riot had died down though... watching some clown try and stuff a £10 note into a dond break the bank, not fathoming the entire pub was powerless lol........

I had half a mind to offer him coins and watch him try, but i was reeling from the re-wire/fall so much i just had to sit and do nowt but laugh..... I EARNED IT FFS...