Now look. I planned a post-mothers' day evening out for my missus today. I booked a table at the best Chinese going, ordered some flowers to be delivered to the table about half hour after we arrived...
...But no...
...I booked it on 'the wrong day'. Apparently, I didn't take into account the fact that she was 'working' until 20:00. Table was booked for 21:30...
...Now I'm in the doghouse for 'moaning' because my surprise went wrong...
...FUCKING HELL!!! I get moaned out because I don't try,and I get moaned at when I don't try enough. Then, I get moaned at when I try, but something I wasn't aware of pops up. So yeah, I'm so nasty. How dare I!!!!
Fuck!!!
<sorry!!!>
F***ing Women! Well, not literally!
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Matt Vinyl
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F***ing Women! Well, not literally!
"And do you ever contradict yourself, Minister?" "Well, yes and no..."
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Matt Vinyl
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Martal~Wombat
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Re: F***ing Women! Well, not literally!
Heh, reminds me of the old chas n dave classic..... theres no pleasin' you!Matt Vinyl wrote:Now look. I planned a post-mothers' day evening out for my missus today. I booked a table at the best Chinese going, ordered some flowers to be delivered to the table about half hour after we arrived...
...But no...
...I booked it on 'the wrong day'. Apparently, I didn't take into account the fact that she was 'working' until 20:00. Table was booked for 21:30...
...Now I'm in the doghouse for 'moaning' because my surprise went wrong...
...FUCKING HELL!!! I get moaned out because I don't try,and I get moaned at when I don't try enough. Then, I get moaned at when I try, but something I wasn't aware of pops up. So yeah, I'm so nasty. How dare I!!!!
Fuck!!!
<sorry!!!>
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Matt Vinyl
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- Joined: Wed May 11, 2005 6:56 pm
- Location: Lost in the outback, Bryan
Heh, good one! I went off and had a few (as you might have been able to tell! 
) with some mates instead, so that went down like a lead balloon... (Which is kind of a silly saying really, who ever heard of a 'lead balloon'? Anyway... Of work until Monday, so going to make the most of doing a few 'tours'...
) with some mates instead, so that went down like a lead balloon... (Which is kind of a silly saying really, who ever heard of a 'lead balloon'? Anyway... Of work until Monday, so going to make the most of doing a few 'tours'... "And do you ever contradict yourself, Minister?" "Well, yes and no..."
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milk monitor
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A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but! continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.!
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but! continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.!
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. WC FIELDS (1880-1946)
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milk monitor
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To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives who love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.
The 1st floor has wives who love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. WC FIELDS (1880-1946)
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Matt Vinyl
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mr lugsy
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when i fail to act upon subtle requests from the missus to carry out basic DIY duties around the house in favour of clicking refresh 8745875 times on fruitchat,i am rewarded with the threat of hiding the wireless router :x
this threat was acted on recently and it was coytans for me as i literally had to put up new rails in every room to get my router back.........fookin' beeatch! :x
little does she know that my new phone has an application to turn it into a wireless hotspot enabling me to rout the desktop through it on 3.5G lol.
her threats will now be met with a stoney wall of indifference
this threat was acted on recently and it was coytans for me as i literally had to put up new rails in every room to get my router back.........fookin' beeatch! :x
little does she know that my new phone has an application to turn it into a wireless hotspot enabling me to rout the desktop through it on 3.5G lol.
her threats will now be met with a stoney wall of indifference
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betchrider
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betchrider
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Matt Vinyl
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Cardinal Sin
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aaamusements.co.uk
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