F%*^&^&*!!!

JG · Post by JG » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:46 pm

Right. Some objectionable tw*t (me), turned down the % on the communal fruit machine the other day from 98% to 70% payout.

Today I have been Christmas shopping and spent a lot of my float. When I got back in, I had £82 in coins left + notes.

I decided I would go all out on the communal fruit machine as some cluey (me) had left it full up from yesterday. Just as an experiment. If you remember me saying, on 98% you could push it right over % and on 70% it doesn't keep to % if you play shrewdly. Today I was in a blap everything back and get a big repeater mood.

So £10 chocks over the back and it offers nudges on lines. It'll gamble to £3 happily, but can you see £4 on anything other than 1 or 12? Nope.
Going all out for the flash and that £82 goes in. No problem, I'll just fetch the key to the cashbox and carry on. Not in its usual place, so I ask Mrs JG. It soon appears that some THIEF (Mrs JG) has stolen the key.

So I've put £82 into my machine and can't get it out. I'm down to shrapnel.

Any PMs please if someone can lend me a fifty bag or two until tomorrow when I can get change. I'm not driving into town to go to a club/bar just for change for the communal machine now. I suppose I could go down the garage, pay for some minstrels with a £20. Might try that. Fookin' 'eck, it's due now, nearly up for the flasher, might have a repeat save and go for £25 as I haven't had the jp repeat up for ages. Although it is very JPMish, so probably not, but I've got to get something back that or

1) Get an ice cream out of the freezer, then smear it all over the machine in protest. [BFK]

2) Find a £1 coin down the back of the sofa and pop it in for a £105 top. [MattB]

3) Put it through, switch it back to 98% and play with the hopper contents. [Mark]

4) Use my skill, guile and cunning to try and prise a few quid against %, then put that in an unchipped Power 5 and win £250. [Anfield]

5) Pawn in my slippers and put that on the 3:20 at Chepstow and get my float back that way. [HRK]

6) Walk up a mountain and take a picture. [mjd]

Any clues? Seriously, feckin' annoying, no idea where she has put the key. Starting to sound chocka down the bottom. Must be nearly there. Absolutely gutted, feel as if I've really lost the money. Worst thing is I've got things to do tomorrow, could get change at Showboat and go back in for it. Disgusting. Anfield, any tools that.....oh no censored, can't speak about that, not a good example from a moderator. Jesus! So annoying!

HELP!

thecannonball89 · Post by **thecannonball89** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:56 pm

1) Get an ice cream out of the freezer, then smear it all over the machine in protest. [BFK]

2) Find a £1 coin down the back of the sofa and pop it in for a £105 top. [MattB]

3) Put it through, switch it back to 98% and play with the hopper contents. [Mark]

4) Use my skill, guile and cunning to try and prise a few quid against %, then put that in an unchipped Power 5 and win £250. [Anfield]

5) Pawn in my slippers and put that on the 3:20 at Chepstow and get my float back that way. [HRK]

6) Walk up a mountain and take a picture. [mjd]

Oh dear i do need to change my pants!

steveseagull · Post by **steveseagull** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:06 am

Take the fuse out and save it til tomorrow.

Mattb · Post by **Mattb** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:10 am

Brilliant. Funny you should mention me and that scenario, had a £2 in for £105 on a new cash or bust i found earlier today! Mad.

Personally i think you should go for option 7.

7) Continue playing it anyway, end up over a ton down and moan you never get any luck and stuff you play never rolls [ob]

aaamusements.co.uk · Post by **aaamusements.co.uk** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:12 am

Turn the reels upside down.

Not a solution, but got to be worth a laugh.

JG · Post by JG » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:16 am

Cannonball I'll supply you with freshly laundered boxers in exchange for some quids.

Matt you're incorrigible (spelling?), a whole £2 in. Shocking. That £103 profit is more than I made on ALL machines all day, although to be fair I was mostly shopping, not playing today.

Alex, that's option 8. Turn it upside down and weedle the cash out. [Scott?]

There is an option 9 which I was going to put in the first time but forgot.

9) Get really pissed off and set fire to the machine, burning my house down in the process. [The guy who burnt down the services on the M62]

10) Wait until it's Christmas and there is a party in the kitchen and have a sly widdle in the payout tray in protest. [H2]

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:16 am

C'mon Mattb own up, you never put a full £2 in...... 50p at the most.

Mattb · Post by **Mattb** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:22 am

Ok ok, it was 10p for 1 credit. Nah, all it was.....£2 for a super bonus, reel picker blues, gambled out for £105. Was gonna chase it anyway regardless of where that gamble went, but that's the way it goes

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:24 am

Hard lines mate, usually its an add 5p to play and you see one shining on the deck

JG · Post by JG » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:59 am

Problem solved. Mrs Jg had coins from today. Changed £20 for £16 in coins. Took all that but it was now giving SUPER BOOST (sign that it is ahead). Also gambling to £4. Took most my shrapnel to see a board that awarded Flashback. So just over a 1'er in for a..............

Flat £5.

Cheers,

JG

Now to sack off invincible boards by collecting in nudges and nudging in nothing for 1k.

harry2 · Post by **harry2** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:48 am

Someone will be trawling around Houventry way breaking into garages looking for a buzzed up Flashback. Buy an extension lead and put the machine in the garden this weekend and let the locals fill it up. Then again there will be a high risk of electric shock so put a disclaimer on the machine. Hire an eastern european to dish out change, look miserable and knock out aldi brand tea and weak orange squash so you can go to your cave and concentrate on Nudgeman's Christmas Crackers for 2008.

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:41 pm

now then george old boy , the shrewd operator would have it sited in my flat on the 18th , lots of pissed up slotters with money to burn :P

JG · Post by JG » Sat Dec 06, 2008 2:15 pm

Great idea Harry. To be honest I thought I'd cash in on the run up to Christmas anyway. I'm doing it on the cheap at the moment, I'm just leaving my house open when I go out to work each day and I have a sign 'JG Amusements' which flashes on and off like Christmas Lights. I've seen a rusty Spin on It on Ebay, so I might buy that to provide variety and I can swap the parts over as and when needed. This sounds like that wierd fictional arcade in Liverpool.

It's working good so far. I leave a few of those Aldi tea bags around, some sour milk and some sweetener. I also have sachets of ASDA hot chocolate powder and some ECONOMY lime juice.

I came back yesterday and there was over £25 more in the cashbox, I definitely hadn't put it there. However there was ice cream smeared all over the front and someone has moved the Playstation 3 and LCD TV. I've checked the garage but they're not in there, it's like they've gone missing. Really strange, can't understand it. Come to think of it none of my games or DVDs are in the front room any more and I'm typing this on my main computer as the laptop is also missing.
Still it's a good earner, although I think some oaf riffled through Mrs JGs lingerie. I'll keep up with it for now. Maybe I'll have to employ one of those Eastern European moody girls to float around. They are hooooooooooooooot. Love those Eastern European moody hottie sexy girls. Worth a spank, they love that. I'd love to poke one, quick move on, Mrs JG coming up the stairs, ssssssh I didn't say that.

INTERLUDE

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

Ok ahem. Ah yes, the bookings for my mobile amusement van are coming in fast and furious. Let's see 18th December.....Leicester.......Hmmmmmmmm.....just checking the diary.................hmmmmmmmmmmmm ah...........I see Mr. Pyne might be there and a few other gamblers.

Note to self: Invest in bootleg software and stake key. £100/spin £5000 jackpot.

If it doesn't boot up, no worries, Peter Clayton will be along with some entertaining pictures. Minge or mange - can you tell the difference?

Matt Vinyl · Post by **Matt Vinyl** » Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:32 pm

Nothing more can be said, this is great reading!

Working on the Christmas novel yet?

mr lugsy · Post by **mr lugsy** » Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:50 pm

fooking quality,particularly the hyper accurate super sharp shooter ,shooting slap shots at sexy, sultry,shapely slovakian and slovenian sirens.
lunge at those latvian luvverlies
enjoy every eerie, estonian, enigma.
big up,bootylicious bulgarian, bondage beauties.

relish, rigourously, romancing, romanian rong'uns

tried a lithuanian once bit of a spud tbh :x

Fruit Machine Chat

F%^&^&!!!

F%^&^&!!!