calling it a day , , , well sort of
I love winding people up more than anyone but william does come across as a fool! Jumped up, full of it and a total fool! A classic im great, look at me type! I am more level headed and down to earth but he would probably kill himself if machines went away tomorrow as they seem to be his life! Sad really!
I am Glendale, much better than you!
You just look more and more of a cunt with every posting. If I mentioned everything I've heard about other people I'd look a cunt too.Noels Beard wrote:Is this where you pull the old quintuple bluff on me? From what I understand you have a longstanding reputation for trying to worm stuff from people, behind a very thin veneer of bullshit. You're still in the end-game stage of trying the shrug that embarrassment off, but you don't need to be trayhops alter-ego to see you for what you really are.
He isn't right of course, he just thinks he is.
JG felt he could hear the distant jangling of keys from Mr. Lugsy's pocket but he couldn't be sure. Oh, that reminds me, £8 Addams Family in The Arkade I did not see, but then more bulbs were off than on, so hard to see much in there.
Right errr, computer is being slow, so let's do a quick story. Enjoying the thread btw, good chat. Well done everyone.
He turned left at the traffic lights and sure enough there was the Fiat Plinkoplonkplippetyplinquento, a friendly flash of the lights it was 6am and they were ready to hit the M1 down to London for a slightly nostalgic hurrah to cement the routine of the old times.
It was still dark, so hard to see much and he went on auto pilot up to the passenger door and hopped in. Brushing aside the various novelty Marvel vibrators and other such paraphenalia he went to greet Captain Discipline and instead in the driver's seat was a three legged dog. One leg on the steering, one on the clutch and one putting it into gear.
"Eh?"
It was then he saw it. In the back seat. A cock and two balls.
"What the f*ck?"
"Yes JG. Bet you weren't expecting me to look like this. I feel a bit naked, I've only got this little tattoo of Batman on my left bollock. Still plenty of room to get what was on my back redone. It'll be a bit crinkly in places, but I reckon it can be done."
There was too much to take in, I have to apologise to the reader, I've failed to adequately paint the picture. This was no average exhibitionism, this was a talking cock and balls and no Captain Discipline as such attached to them.
"What on earth happened? I mean I saw your postings, you were a bit ill etc etc needed time out.....but I mean.....have I woken up properly is this me dreaming? If so I think I need help...."
"No, no JG listen. You didn't see my post about Jennifer Ellis? Well turns out I was up Highcross doing a bit of shopping for Tracy when who should I bump into but Jennifer Ellis. Naturally I started negotiations, even though she was in a chavvy tracksuit, she was looking really, really, really, really fit. It started off with me giving up my right leg, but she was a tough negotiator. Soon I was giving up both my legs, then my right arm...I literally had to chew that bastard right off. 24 hours it'd take some, but I gnawed it off in no time. When it comes to matters of the fairer sex, I don't mess around as you know JG. Soon I'm ripping off my head, my hind teeth come out and finally my chattering decapitated cranium chomps off my final remaining limb and for a grand finale gnashes through my torso right down to the back of my ball bags or perineum as that posh twit Will would probably say."
"Captain Discipline?!?!?"
"Yes when it comes to fruits I'm quite the disciplined one, but when it comes to carnal matters I'll literally blow it all for one top notch f*ck. It was well worth it by the way and may I say how liberating it is just being a cock and two balls, watch this....weeeeeheeeeey woooooo! <Boing> Look at me!!!"
"Oi! Oi! Just take it easy fella, I don't know what that was that just went in my ear, but just don't get too excitable eh?"
"Don't you worry JG old pal, you'll have to do the mundane stuff like carry the pound coins and operate the Sat Nav, but if that Spoons under the water waitress is a hottie, I'll be smashing the back doors down before you can say 'Orange and Passionfruit J2O please' "
"I do worry about you at times Lee....has this dog passed his driving test?"
"I don't know, he's got less points on his licence than me, so it's all good. Now just put Northwood Spoons in the SatNav will you?"
"ooooh Northwood! Hold on, hold on, hold on...."
"Don't you dare, people will start talking....."
"Well yes, I mean isn't this going to be mega heat? What does a cock and two balls drink for starters?"
"Oh nadda nadda, JG getting all prejudiced just because I'm literally a penis. You think I go around all day like some uncouth 18-30 reveller ordering menstrual Bloody Marys and the like? Well no I quite like sparkling water I'll have you know, mind you it tastes much better with a couple of old kippers in the sauce..."
"Bloopin' 'eck, this is quite an education. You're not expecting me to errr, hold you up to look at the box are you? I mean that would just be insane crazy heat wouldn't it? One thing shining up a red LED, quite another holding up a cock to see if it's the cashpot."
"They're young staff there, mostly work experience. They probably think it's normal. Under priviliedged area, that sort of thing."
"But errr, errrr, don't you feel a bit naked. I mean say you see the proverbial hottie and you know, things get a bit.....how shall we say? A bit elongated......well errr I mean isn't that the final tabboo?"
"I hadn't thought of that....hey this story is getting a bit wierd now isn't it JG?"
"Well it was a bit wierd pretty much to start. I think we should end it."
"Yes it can't be that hard, I mean there's a dog driving my little Plinkoplonkplippetyplinquento"
"Yes and it's an interesting fact that dogs are colour blind. Colour blindness is quite a complex intriguing topic and as we had towards these traffic lights near Fosse Park, I want you to know that this story is about to end in a horrible mangled mess as we're going to hit an articulated lorry coming the other way"
"As long as it's Jennifer Ellis driving I've no complaints. She'll be as burnt out as Northampton services by the time I finish with her...."
<<CRASH!!!>>
Thank God for that. As you were.
Right errr, computer is being slow, so let's do a quick story. Enjoying the thread btw, good chat. Well done everyone.
He turned left at the traffic lights and sure enough there was the Fiat Plinkoplonkplippetyplinquento, a friendly flash of the lights it was 6am and they were ready to hit the M1 down to London for a slightly nostalgic hurrah to cement the routine of the old times.
It was still dark, so hard to see much and he went on auto pilot up to the passenger door and hopped in. Brushing aside the various novelty Marvel vibrators and other such paraphenalia he went to greet Captain Discipline and instead in the driver's seat was a three legged dog. One leg on the steering, one on the clutch and one putting it into gear.
"Eh?"
It was then he saw it. In the back seat. A cock and two balls.
"What the f*ck?"
"Yes JG. Bet you weren't expecting me to look like this. I feel a bit naked, I've only got this little tattoo of Batman on my left bollock. Still plenty of room to get what was on my back redone. It'll be a bit crinkly in places, but I reckon it can be done."
There was too much to take in, I have to apologise to the reader, I've failed to adequately paint the picture. This was no average exhibitionism, this was a talking cock and balls and no Captain Discipline as such attached to them.
"What on earth happened? I mean I saw your postings, you were a bit ill etc etc needed time out.....but I mean.....have I woken up properly is this me dreaming? If so I think I need help...."
"No, no JG listen. You didn't see my post about Jennifer Ellis? Well turns out I was up Highcross doing a bit of shopping for Tracy when who should I bump into but Jennifer Ellis. Naturally I started negotiations, even though she was in a chavvy tracksuit, she was looking really, really, really, really fit. It started off with me giving up my right leg, but she was a tough negotiator. Soon I was giving up both my legs, then my right arm...I literally had to chew that bastard right off. 24 hours it'd take some, but I gnawed it off in no time. When it comes to matters of the fairer sex, I don't mess around as you know JG. Soon I'm ripping off my head, my hind teeth come out and finally my chattering decapitated cranium chomps off my final remaining limb and for a grand finale gnashes through my torso right down to the back of my ball bags or perineum as that posh twit Will would probably say."
"Captain Discipline?!?!?"
"Yes when it comes to fruits I'm quite the disciplined one, but when it comes to carnal matters I'll literally blow it all for one top notch f*ck. It was well worth it by the way and may I say how liberating it is just being a cock and two balls, watch this....weeeeeheeeeey woooooo! <Boing> Look at me!!!"
"Oi! Oi! Just take it easy fella, I don't know what that was that just went in my ear, but just don't get too excitable eh?"
"Don't you worry JG old pal, you'll have to do the mundane stuff like carry the pound coins and operate the Sat Nav, but if that Spoons under the water waitress is a hottie, I'll be smashing the back doors down before you can say 'Orange and Passionfruit J2O please' "
"I do worry about you at times Lee....has this dog passed his driving test?"
"I don't know, he's got less points on his licence than me, so it's all good. Now just put Northwood Spoons in the SatNav will you?"
"ooooh Northwood! Hold on, hold on, hold on...."
"Don't you dare, people will start talking....."
"Well yes, I mean isn't this going to be mega heat? What does a cock and two balls drink for starters?"
"Oh nadda nadda, JG getting all prejudiced just because I'm literally a penis. You think I go around all day like some uncouth 18-30 reveller ordering menstrual Bloody Marys and the like? Well no I quite like sparkling water I'll have you know, mind you it tastes much better with a couple of old kippers in the sauce..."
"Bloopin' 'eck, this is quite an education. You're not expecting me to errr, hold you up to look at the box are you? I mean that would just be insane crazy heat wouldn't it? One thing shining up a red LED, quite another holding up a cock to see if it's the cashpot."
"They're young staff there, mostly work experience. They probably think it's normal. Under priviliedged area, that sort of thing."
"But errr, errrr, don't you feel a bit naked. I mean say you see the proverbial hottie and you know, things get a bit.....how shall we say? A bit elongated......well errr I mean isn't that the final tabboo?"
"I hadn't thought of that....hey this story is getting a bit wierd now isn't it JG?"
"Well it was a bit wierd pretty much to start. I think we should end it."
"Yes it can't be that hard, I mean there's a dog driving my little Plinkoplonkplippetyplinquento"
"Yes and it's an interesting fact that dogs are colour blind. Colour blindness is quite a complex intriguing topic and as we had towards these traffic lights near Fosse Park, I want you to know that this story is about to end in a horrible mangled mess as we're going to hit an articulated lorry coming the other way"
"As long as it's Jennifer Ellis driving I've no complaints. She'll be as burnt out as Northampton services by the time I finish with her...."
<<CRASH!!!>>
Thank God for that. As you were.
JG
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Noels Beard
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trayhop123
- Senior Member
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- Location: leicester
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Noels Beard
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The Dark Horse
- Senior Member
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