Fruit Machine Chat

apologise Debz and any other dorises who may look in.


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is
lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when
you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a
sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

The bravest man in the world:
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,
fatty."

i know the second one is not particularly funny but for some reason it tickled me.

oh, and it's spelt "misogynist"

.....

might as well tell you mine then....

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

lol she'll kill me for laughing

I aint even gonna give a comment about them!

Cardinal Richlieu is late at work one night giving his secretary a good seeing to. Before he knows it it is ten o clock at night and he is going to be in the doghouse with missus for being late. Desperate for an excuse he turns to Miss Jones, his secretary, and asks for some advice. She says
just get a piece of chalk and rub it behind you ear and tell your wife the truth. Everything will be fine". Reluctantly he agrees. He rushes home and Mrs Richlieu is waiting at the door with a rolling pin and demands, "Where the hell have you been". Sheepishly he replies, "Well I have just been shagging the secretary over the boardroom table and the photcopier and my desk".
Spotting the chalk mark behind Rich's ear she says " Don't bloody lie to me, you've been out with that Gran playing darts again, haven't you ?"

I like it!

©ardinal ®ichelieu™ wrote:I like it!

Whats that, the chalk mark?

Matt