Fruit Machine Chat

I said to the Mrs last night
'you remind me of a fallen star'

'awwww that's sweet' she said, 'which one'

To which I replied




Kerry Katona, you fat crackhead

My wife just rang to say Gavin from Autoglass has just been and injected his resin into her crack.
I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the car.

2 women talking.
"Do you look at your husbands face when you're having sex?"
"I did once and he looked really angry"
"Why did he look angry?"
"Cos he was looking through the window!"

Happy & Sad.....
A husband and wife were watching tv when the husband turns to his wife and asks...
"Babe, tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time"
His wife replies....
"You've got the biggest cock out of all your mates"

i ran in the house and said to the mrs ,,,,,,,,,,,, ''quick pack ya bags , pack ya bags , ive won the lottery ''

she said '' ooohh what should i pack ? , ,,, light beach clothes ? cardigans ??




i said ,,,,,,,,,, '' LOOK , JUST PACK EM ,,,,,,,,, AND FUCK OFF"

A man goes to see the doctor complaining he has an orange cock. The doctor asks him to flop it out so he can have a look to see what the trouble is. The man duly gets his cock out for the doctor and, sure enough, it's bright orange.

The doctor is amazed by this and tells the man he has never seen anything like it before and asks him when he last had had sex?

"Never," says the man, "I'm a virgin and live on my own".

"Does anyone else in your family have this affliction?" asks the doc.

"Not that I'm aware of" replies the man.

"Do you work with any strong chemicals?" queries the doctor.

"No, I'm unemployed" states the man.

"Really," says the doctor, "what do you do all day, then?"

The man replies, "I just sit at home watching porn films and eating cheesy Wotsits."

Bloke to wife ' get your coat on love, I'm off down the pub ' ' ooh' replied the Mrs ' am I coming with you ?' ' no' replied the husband ' I'm turning the Fucking heating off !'

haha mole