Evil wedding DJ

[JG]

Ok, the bride and groom have had their first dance. Everyone has gorged on toxic trans fat enriched snacks lined around the outskirts of the room. You've had to pay £3.50 for a pint of luke warm bathwater and now some people are dancing and some people are sitting glum, looking at the dancing.

The good news is I am the DJ.


However I have gone slightly crazy.


I have an MP3 of the Can U Dig it? jackpot music. It's sample 48 on the Goldstrike (Barcrest) machine, so you can listen to it on the emu.


I'm looping it over and over and over again.


The glum people look even glummer, but the people dancing love it, it's like a little game. The madder the music, the more they dance.


However the glum people are tutting disapprovingly.

"Come on, let's make a move, it's nearly half ten" says one of the glum people.

They go to get up, but what is this?

I have glued them to their seats.


Meanwhile the people dancing, dance faster and harder, hypnotized by my DJ spell, they can do nothing but dance to the music.

All the time I'm bending the pitch and the key is going up and up and up and then right down too slow so it sounds like Chewbacca doing the karaoke version of Chariots of fire, but ultimately, the pitch gets ridiculously high.

Panic sets in and glum becomes frenzied. The dancers laugh at the strange frantic bobbing up and down motion, of the people attached to the chairs which are fixed to the floor by industrial strength chemical bonding adhesive.

Someone trys to phone the police, but strangely enough, their battery is flat on their mobile.

I let out an evil sneer and the music gets louder, faster and more frenzied. Even the dancers are perplexed, but so fuelled by alcohol and the need to show off, that they still go along with my madness.

The glum people now look very angry. They wanted out a long time ago and they can't escape.

I whack the music up to ear shattering levels, dancing along frenzied and off my mush on deep South yeehaws at 250 BPM. My Ortofan Concordes redundant as my ipod brings perplexion and misery on thousands of abiding randoms.



To book DJ Fruit Case for your wedding, just call 078** ******

[Matt Vinyl]

The most concerning thing is, this got me to go and check the emu for that sample. Yeeeehooo! lol