Fruit Machine Chat

Recently on my travels, due to an annoying tickly cough, I have been drinking whisky, from Tenessee reverse smokey malts to triple blended peat enriched hyper distilled Chinese whisky, Unfortunately there appears to be some sort of alcoholic content that is making me rather annoyingly drunk albeit my cough reflex is relaxed.
I'm aware that there are certain cough linctuses that may fulfil this requirement for reducing the level of coughing, however they contain more sugar than six J20s and pubs don't have Covonia Bronchial Balsam on tap.
Are there any non alcoholic whiskies on the market? I know for a fact that you can get alcohol enriched J2O, it's called Smooch, or Hooch or WKD or something like that. Surely you can get alcohol free whisky, but I want that burning warm feeling, some delayed triple smoked oak baked super duper refined blended aftertaste but be able to drive to the next pub to play the next Let's Play Deal or no Deal without being over the limit.
Also my bucket has attracted some attention. Due to a number of pocket breakages recently, I have been carrying my float in a very large bucket. There is nothing more suspicious that walking into a pub with a small bucket with just a few hundred pound coins in it, that is where most of you are going wrong.
I have a big bucket with about £4,000 in it. That way I know I have a large enough float to force out a few forced ims on the Deal or no Deals. Sometimes people chuck in money, convinced I'm collecting for charity, it's also a nice bonus for the day and I do it as it takes the heat off me playing the various units.
Don't worry I give the donated money to charity.
I'm currently wearing a hi-vis jacket, boots caked in wet cement and polyurethane orange trousers. What's your favourite disguise?
My vehicle is a pick up truck with crane lift attatchment at the back.
This disguise is ok but not brilliant, I may have to go for an invisible cloak or a circus performer disguise as I'm getting recognised as a person in some of the places I go into.
Has anyone got any tips in general for anything about anything that anyone may ever have said?
Also it's very cold, so I may start my next run in mid March 2010 as it's so freakin' cold. By then everything should have so much saved value that I expect to make.....hmmm.....two months and a bit away, should be good for £9,562 of value that day. Saves messing about every day for a few hundred. I guess I may need three buckets for that day so may just take a very large industrial safe with me to avoid suspicion.

I've just been told you can get extra meaty fishy chunk whiskers that has no alcoholic content, so I may give that a go in the pubs to avoid detection.

Lol, can't help you, but if you are looking for a nice scotch you can't go far wrong with a glenmorangie or even better (and sometimes seen in spoons) scapa!

as you may know ,most whiskey is 40% alcohol by volume,it may be easier to obtain 'alcohol free pure alcohol' if this is acceptable.
many suburban households will place bottles of 'alcohol free pure alcohol' on their door steps late at night. these provide easy pickings for stealthy forragers but be careful you don't spill them because by and large these bottles full of 'alcohol free pure alcohol' never have the lids on them.



there a few ways you can remove alcohol if the above solution is unsuitable .

1) reverse osmosis is one, this is a water purification process .unlike filtration that only removes particles ,this process will take care of solvents so alcohol should provide little challenge.
the governments 'drink aware' campaign may be able to back people with grants that are interested into going down this hairbrained route.


2) acetobacter bacteria would be a more workable solution to all you budding alcohol removal enthusiasts.however, as usual you get what you pay for and this stuff has the side effect of turning the alcoholic content to vinegar and also takes quite a while to do. so if you're not a fan of quoffing vinegar and a large parts per million bacterial solution i would consign this answer to the wheelie bin.

there are other ways that involve more complex chemical insertians that don't sound very straightforward in their accomplishment for newbie mad scientists that can be googled ,but unless the nudgecave contains a fully equipped laboratory i'd put a peg on my nose and go for glory with no2's bushtucker trial.

Most informative and incredibly well thought out solutions/suggestions. A mad scientist will definitely be my next disguise and I have a bottle of finest malt vinegar that I can practice my bushtucker trials on. All the local landlords are getting a bit suspicious of this construction worker disguise, but I got my mileage out of it as there are so many roadworks about at the moment. I'm not sure how the mad scientist will go down in the backwaters of Barwell, but any trouble and a quick spray of high molarity hydrochloric acid from my fortified pistol will neutralise any trouble to a sensible pH of 7. I shall keep the pound coins stashed in a rack of test tubes, that will slip totally under the radar and won't bring anything on top.

Ginger Beer leaves a nice warming effect in the throat. The wife suggested something else that slips down nice slow and gentle that is lovely and warm, however I don't think it's your cup of tea. OR IS IT ???

I can't do whisky anymore lol, i used to love it, but i got totally fooked on it once to many times and now just the smell can practically make me gag, for me jack daniels is the worst, just typing this is making me feel queezy lol.

I told a mate who i hadnt seen for a while and used to drink with this one night when we were sat out in the beer garden of a pub (in the summertime) and he didnt believe me, as me and him used to get wrecked on JD when we were younger so he got me a JD and coke anyway, insisting that i would be fine and it would be just like the old days, it wasnt.

Now bearing in mind i had only had just one pint by this point, out came my JD and coke, i took one sip, and about 5 seconds later that was it, up it came, i chucked all over the grass, not good.

I then felt fine and we continued on the beers for well, i believe we both hit double figures on the pint count, so it wasnt a case of being pissed that made me ill, just the JD.

Shame really, as i did really used to love a drop of JD or grouse, i only wish i could find a way to be able to drink it again without puking.