Fruit Machine Chat

Meeting at 3.30 when England play '4 in Russia.

Milk: I sympathise. Not to rub salt in, but I was supposed to have a meeting from 3:00 - 4:30, but managed to 'ease' out of it, and get to leave the office at 3:30.

With the correct timing, should get to the pub by 3:55. The downside, is that the M25 is between me and my venue (I don't have to get on it, just go past the junction of it).

Random thing that pisses me off: Clockwatching!!!

drags back on topic.

1) The people who try to explain thing to foreigners/incompetent/just plain thick people who just dont understand, yet the person is still trying to explain it and moaning at the person when they get it wrong, even though they dont know how to do it in the first place (happens a lot on fruits)

2) People with loud music in cars and the windows down. More often on their own, what do you thinks gonna happen? 2x16 yr old virgins jump in and scream DO ME NOW DO ME NOW!

3) People who ask you for money, fair enough homeless people but not people who clearly have a bed tonite. And worse of all when people bullshit you saying "they need 30p for the train ticket home". I'd rather be told "I need £1.89 for my next can of export, should get smashed of it, please?" then get lied to.

4) Low-level staff who revel (and probably get-off) on the fact they have the power to throw you out/penalise you in some way (ie trains, bouncers, cinema staff)

5) People who ID you 3-4 times a week and still ask you, despite you acutlly knowing them by name by now. (Manager of the cafe @Norwich Train Station, he now works in subway, muahahhahaha).

6) People who stick to their reserved seats on early commuter train journeys, COZ NO1 ELSE DOES!

This might sound daft but it fuck's me off when i see a packet of crisp's opened upside down, why............. it just does.

We have Council Parking Wardens issuing tickets on Sundays inc Easter.

Will book you in a Loading only area, like who the fuck is going to unload on a Sunday.

There is a residents only parking area for 15 cars where I used to live where 3 people own a car. As its right next to the Rugby stadium, alot of disgruntled fans have a nasty surprise when they return to their cars.

Ah, Well, White spray paint for the signs next season.

Traffic Wardens who don't understand English
Chavs who put the feet on seats on trains and buses
Kids who think you want to hear their home made attempts to be Eminem on cheap tinny sounding telephones
White kids with braided hair who thing they are blick
Retards who litter the street
Cyclists on the pavement
Females that swear
People who push into queues
Assistants in shops who are chewing gum whilst working

Females that swear

quite right. it is very unbecoming of the lady to swear.

there is no need for men to do it either (the only exception to this is stephen fry)

itsme wrote:This might sound daft but it fuck's me off when i see a packet of crisp's opened upside down, why............. it just does.

I dont like opening a packet of crisps upside down, i check before i open them, i dunno why.

I had the displeasure of driving past 2 cyclists riding down a dual carriageway, generally causing a hazard, as they do whilst there being a fucking £6 million cycle lane for them to use,

As a dj, i gig 2-3 time's a week,every week. Im supposed to have every song ever made by all the pisss head's who approach me.

No dj has got every song so fuck off.

"well you should have it your a dj" that's all i get.Just piss off,it really wind's me up.

if i came to your young persons' dancing club i'd get sloshed and then come up to you and ask for a bit of chesney hawkes

Well lucky for you...... deep inside my bag's of cd's and boxes of vinyl, im sure i have some Chesney for you.

itsme wrote:Well lucky for you...... deep inside my bag's of cd's and boxes of vinyl, im sure i have some Chesney for you.

Have you got any Bon Jovi? If so, can you smash it to bits please? That way, there is one less DJ in the world who can irritate the tits off everyone else by playing requests for my g/f - over and over, and over again. Livin' on a prayer? Play that f*****g thing one more time whilst I'm in the room and you better start praying.

Two more things that piss me off:-

1. My g/f's obsession with Bon Jovi (yes, really!).
2. People who leave their dog's crap on pavements.

Let's have a go

i) The price of large LCD TVs. You can get a 19" for £1xx whilst dare to go more than 42" and you have to remortgage your house! You're paying for the prestige of having a large TV. It's much more fun watching snooker on a 14" black and white portable.

ii) Noisy people bowling. You're trying to concentrate on fruits and you have all these air heads hollering and whooping and blooping. It's only ten pins and a big heavy ball for Pete's sake. For God's sake, it's a bowling alley. People go there to play fruit machines.

iii) On the old cycling thing. Old people in mini metros who just drive an inch away from you at 30mph in a 50mph limit like they haven't seen you. The reason for this is beacuse they haven't seen you. Also big fat feckin' 4*4s with super sulphur boosting catalytic converters that cause cancer. Stupid government. Oh yeah, they still release CO, just not CO2 as that causes the greenhouse effect which will kill us all. Sulphur and CO are perfectly safe. Thanks Mr. Government.

iv) Old men in Weatherspoons that sit down in front of the fruit machine to read their paper and take ten hours to sup their half pint of extra mildy super mild.

v) Selling at car boot sales

vi) People who spray air freshener in the same room as you when you're eating chips. Consequently all you can smell and taste is meadow roses when you want chips. Annoying.

vii) Idiots, morons and cretins. That machine has now gone, so I could have fed her a piece of my mind.

vii) That's enough for now.

England not being awarded a try when it was perfectly legitimate...

Oh well, at least Man U stuffed Villa!!!