christmas cracker gags

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:05 am

yes it is christmas already at least it is for tired hacks. i'm doing a column on dreadful cracker gags (rather i'm asking the fine folk of fruitchat to do it for me).

obv. they need to be short and can't be even slightly offensive, even to the most namby-pamby. and they should definitely make you do this

so let's hear 'em.

i'll start:
did you hear about the wooden car?
wooden engine, wooden wheels, wooden spark plugs... wooden go!!!!!!!!

Weyland · Post by **Weyland** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:37 am

What a coincidence, I was mindlessly watching the Vicar of Dibley 1996 Christmas Special on Saturday (the BBC really are running out of television, aren't they?) and it had this one repeated a few times:

Q: What do you do with a spaceman?
A: Park in it, man.

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:49 am

12 naked nuns. Which one is the alcoholic?

...
The one with the Black Bush

...

clean ones, you say???

10 Scottish coos standing in a field? Which one is on holiday?

The one with the wee calf....

...

er. Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs?

In a rack!

... when does Saddam Hussein have his breakfast?

When Tariq Aziz.

Mattb · Post by **Mattb** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 1:08 pm

Here's a truly awful one - Why did the skeleton go the ball alone? He had nobody to go with.

Matt

bigv038 · Post by **bigv038** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 12:07 am

1. Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea? One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being marooned.

2. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

3. What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

4. Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are Smarties in the nude.

5. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it.

6. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

7. Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
Because he couldn't concentrate.

8. What did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the inflatable child caught holding a pin?
You let me down, you let your friends down, you let your school down but most of all... you let yourself down.

9. What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs.

10. whats pink and fluffy?
pink fluff

10 of the best