On a lighter note....

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:53 pm

What with all the depression regarding £70's............
Something happened today

On my way around some fruits bumped into the law

I had pulled up on the pavement to light up a cigarette
Suddenly my coat sleeve goes up in flames
So i start waving it furiously out of the window

A police car turns and the pc says 'gonna have to nick you mate'
Why i said
'carrying a firearm'

He then says 'why are you on the pavement'

I said 'got no road tax'

He says 'has this car ever been checked'

I said 'no its always been red'

Sorry, i'll get my coat

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:39 pm

what do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair ???

park 'n' ride

i'll get me cape

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:02 pm

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash 'n' carry

milk monitor · Post by **milk monitor** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:16 pm

What's got 8 legs and scares women.........................gang rape.

Statistics say that 9 out of ten people enjoy gang rape.......

Sorry about the gang rape theme

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:19 pm

statistics show that death is still the number 1 killer in the uk

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:55 pm

A woman runs into a police station screaming "I've been graped. I've been graped!!!"

The officer looks at her and says "Do you not mean raped?"

The woman replies "No! There was a bunch of them!"

I'll get my rug.

mr lugsy · Post by **mr lugsy** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:05 pm

tramp walks into jewellers,pulls down his filthy stinking piss stained trousers and totally disgusting y-fronts.he squats on the floor in the middle of the shop and starts to thrust his crud caked middle finger deep into his own arse.the horrified manager runs over to him and screams,"what the bloody hell do you think you're doing you dirty old bastard"? the tramp replies "well, the sign outside says come inside and pick your ring in comfort".

my jacket please garcon.

JG · Post by JG » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:15 pm

Uuurgh that's thoroughly disgusting, almost as bad as that horrible trampy lady on The Antiques Roadshow last week.
She brought an old tampon with her and the expert peers over his half moon spectacles and says "I'm not quite sure I can put a value on that".
She says "I don't give a rat's ass about the money, I just want to know what period it's from".

These jokes are terrible aren't they? Who writes them? I left my coat at home as I knew that's where I'd be heading.

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:22 pm

paddy and murphy walking down the street ,,,,,,, (paddy has a black bag over his shoulder )

murphy '' what you got there paddy ?

paddy '' sheep in a bag ,,,, tell you what if you can guess how many , i'll let you keep em
both

murphy '' 3

999329753 · Post by **999329753** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:28 pm

You put your transfer in, your transfer out, in out, in out, you fuck your club out, you do the christiano and you change your mind, thats what its all about. Ohhh ronaldos a wanker, ohh ronaldos a wanker, ohh ronaldos a wanker, knees bent, arms stretched, DIVE, DIVE, DIVE.

kermit the frog has caught swine flu after having unprtected sex with miss piggy - what a muppet!!

betchrider · Post by **betchrider** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 6:12 am

Paddy in the pub having a swift un when murphy runs in"Paddy paddy somebodies just nicked your car!"Paddy says back"did you get a look at em?""no" murphy says"but i took the registration"

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:23 am

Susan Boyle has a photo shoot today.
Simon cowell wants her surrounded by ugly people.

The bus leaves at 9 make sure your all on it!