Sorry

harry2 · Post by **harry2** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:43 pm

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird
section and Murphy says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says
Murphy.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Murphy pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's
truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Murphy looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis
looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off
the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Murphy falls all the way to the
bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says,
'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying
another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting
either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which
he pulls a hen.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and
disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Murphy with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!

Matt Vinyl · Post by **Matt Vinyl** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:47 pm

All together now:

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Heh-heh!

betchrider · Post by **betchrider** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:26 pm

Ive just bought that Jade Goody 2009 callender,fucking right rip off only goes upto March!!

HornyNick · Post by **HornyNick** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:02 pm

Paddy makes a hole in the ice and then sits down with his fishing rod.
After 10 minutes he hears this boomng voice "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Paddy shouts back "Oh bejaysus, Holy Mary mother of our Lord, is that yerself there God?

The voice replies
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
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.
.
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.
"No, you thick Irish twat, its the ice rink manager!"

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:23 pm

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give the bitch a shovel

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:24 pm

2 spanish lads were playing basketball in my street last night
I said what are you doing

They replied 'just having a game of Juan on Juan'

Mr McStreak · Post by **Mr McStreak** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:27 pm

betchrider wrote:Ive just bought that Jade Goody 2009 callender,fucking right rip off only goes upto March!!

Mate thats sick.....

But also very amusing!

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:33 pm

After no dates or sex for 5 yrs a woman goes to see chinese sex therapist Dr.Chang

He says 'take of all your croase, get down and craw reery reery fas to otherside room' she does
'Ok craw reery reery fas bac'
As she did Dr.Chang shook his head 'yr probrem vewy vewy bad
Worse case Ed Zachery disease i ever sor, dat why u get no man'
She says' god whats Ed Zachery disease?'
Dr.Chang says 'its when your face looks Ed Zachery like your arse'

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:37 pm

Many men have nicknames for their cocks
Mine was given to me by a girlfriend while giving me head.
She named it 'the impaler'..... yes the impaler

Or at least thats what i thought she said
Turns out she was asthmatic, and its my fault she died.

JG · Post by JG » Thu Feb 12, 2009 1:11 pm

Professional fruit machinist Mark Pyne was overjoyed when an unchipped Pots of Gold (POG) recently arrived in a local Bedford pub.
Rubbing his hands with glee and anticipation, he gets there just after doors one day and plays the machine, but it's on its arse and it costs to get the loot out.

So he resolves to go back and visit it in another couple of days, but he oversleeps and just misses doors again. Not too perplexed he goes in, plays the machine and again it's on its arse.

Vexed and perplexed, Mark makes a proper effort to get to the pub, for doors, the next day. Sure enough he gets there fifteen minutes early and although the pub isn't properly open yet, he sneaks around the side, looks through a window to see the machine and there is ex England football legend Paul Gascoigne playing out the Pots of Gold. Mark watches with shock and abhor as he sees Gazza climb out to the red super streak and drop the loot.

Angry Mark Pyne strides in and confronts Gazza for being on his patch.

"Oi! Gazza! Do you know who I am?"

Nonplussed, Gazza sings back,

"The POG of the Pyne is mine oh mine, the POG of the Pyne is mine!"

harry2 · Post by **harry2** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 1:15 pm

JG · Post by JG » Thu Feb 12, 2009 1:28 pm

He was and all! Much to the disgust of a player from Rhyll who had travelled down all the way for the POG and the Bully. With Gazza singing about the POG, hard man Vinnie on The Bully, and Mark shouting his mouth off, all he could do was order a tortilla enclosed snack, comprising of jalepenos, salsa and spicy chicken.

Ahem.

This is going to be bad.

It was, an, Anfield wrap.

steveseagull · Post by **steveseagull** » Sat Feb 14, 2009 8:16 am

betchrider wrote:Ive just bought that Jade Goody 2009 callender,fucking right rip off only goes upto March!!

Ouch