Fruit Machine Chat

for the atmospheric intro music, blockbusters has to win
for patronising mannerisms: lucky ladders
for lionel blair touching his nose, it is give us a clue
for mr chips having a toss at a snake: catchphrase
for silliness, you bet!!!!!!
for utter humiliation, the generation game
for a man who gurns: blankety blank
for pretending to be ill: going for gold
for those twins: fun house with pat sharpe
for taking the piss out of the krypton factor: the crystal maze
for ripping the piss out of your own family: generation game
for shutting that door: larry grayson
there must be many more

aaaaaaand four: a pair of ladies and gents watches; for when you both have time on your hands.

for easy money: wordplay

Was this inspirational list inspired by Brooker's look back at You Bet on his show last night? I'll bet yes. Entertaining either way.

A couple of throw-ins for the many mores:

For emotionally abusing children: The Moment of Truth

Cilla-hosted and similar to You Bet but family based where any parent who failed their challenge would be hated by their kids forever and ever and ever and ever for not winning the incredible bundle of infinite prizes. After much outcry for reducing some of the successless parents' kids to tears I think they toned it down a bit with less banging on about all the prizes that they might never win. A pity that.

For elevating the use of camera trickery above any intrinsic excitement of the games themselves: The Cube

Debuted Saturday past. Contestants are popped into a perspex chamber of cubic proportion where they begin to perspire as their agility, nerves and balls of plastic are put to the test by simple games such as dropping a ball into a bucket, throwing a ball into a bucket, throwing up into a bucket ... wherein the projectile is shown in slo-mo, and the whole scene time-sliced Matrix-style as the cameras snort it up their snayzzyal effects tubes and raise it to the power nine by defibrillating it with hyper-dimensional thrillificators to produce an ultra-heightened Tensoeuphoriavision-fuelled metaphor. Schofield sensibly hosts.

This is Total Wipeout for the unathletic, The Krypton Maze Crystal Factor for the uningenious, Pure Skillfest Speedball for the adrenalin-addled - coked up to the max with an opiate smoother. And it's all topped off with the show-you-how-to-do-it presence of a female Stig. Top gear indeed when it comes to game show crack.

awesome decryption of 'the cube'



for religious men with no underwear .....'it's the sale of the century'


for smarmy snide looks, gloating and insincere apologies as the cleverest of two stupid couples reach the last 50/50 'question' and balls it up ,thus awarding the prize round to the least cleverest stupid couple by default.i give you "Take Your Pick".

dont watch quiz shows at all as (a) most of the contestants are planks who any member of fruitchat would slaughter (b) the presenters are planks (see a) (c) the presenters are being paid more (vast amounts more) than the contestants who make the programme (d) the only show where the contestants (on one side usually) arent planks are bloody irritating eggheads with the exception of kevin ashman are smug gits.(e) the most irritating presenter by a mile is step forward Phillip Schofield......why doesnt he go back to New Zealand.....whoever recognised his talent must have used the worlds biggest microscope!

The only ones I watch are 'University Challenge', 'Only Connect' and more often that not 'Mastermind'. For me it's all about the questions, and if they are interesting and educative I'll watch the show. 'University Challenge' is past its best I think but can still be very entertaining; 'Only Connect' is the new kid on the block and well worth watching, and 'Mastermind' is worth watching although the specialist rounds can be a bit dull and the general knowledge rounds hackneyed. For me the best of all time was 'Fifteen to One' - a programme I bet a few quiz machine mavens appeared on in their time.

I've applied for Total Wipeout.


Really don't know if I should've admitted that.


But I've always wanted to go on national tv and stand at the top of a watery slope shouting something like "I'm going to rip all of your heads off" whilst looking embarrassed because the producers obviously told me I had to say something.


That and my Goldenballs audition didnt go very well.


Just realised I've a habit of applying for gameshows which require no general knowledge whatsoever.



BRING ON THE WALL!!!!!

Gah, Goldenballs - I can't stand that show - I never thought I'd put Edmonds above anything, but in this instance, I certainly would have to - DOND is better!

I'm surprised GB hasn't ended in a fight before because of all the blatently obvious 'I've not lied at all during this game, ever, ever...' as some shmuck opens up a ball that he said was the £50,000 only to find it's £50! Also notice that the women ALWAYS gang up on the solitary bloke and then both try and steal the money in the end - that's always a bit of a laugh, but that's about it.

fotherz wrote:for easy money: wordplay

Beat me to it!

Matt Vinyl wrote:Gah, Goldenballs - I can't stand that show - I never thought I'd put Edmonds above anything, but in this instance, I certainly would have to - DOND is better!

I'm surprised GB hasn't ended in a fight before because of all the blatently obvious 'I've not lied at all during this game, ever, ever...' as some shmuck opens up a ball that he said was the £50,000 only to find it's £50! Also notice that the women ALWAYS gang up on the solitary bloke and then both try and steal the money in the end - that's always a bit of a laugh, but that's about it.

The audition was 5 guys v 5 girls and we were given a topic to debate over and told what our view was to be. For example one of them was "Fast food is good" and the men were to argue against it. Some snotty nosed-i'm too good for this audition-bint came out with 'I dont know how to cook" to which I replied "no wonder you're single". ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

One of those moments where as the words leave your lips, your brain is saying "what the hell are you doing?!".

ROSSKEEN wrote:

Matt Vinyl wrote:Gah, Goldenballs - I can't stand that show - I never thought I'd put Edmonds above anything, but in this instance, I certainly would have to - DOND is better!

I'm surprised GB hasn't ended in a fight before because of all the blatently obvious 'I've not lied at all during this game, ever, ever...' as some shmuck opens up a ball that he said was the £50,000 only to find it's £50! Also notice that the women ALWAYS gang up on the solitary bloke and then both try and steal the money in the end - that's always a bit of a laugh, but that's about it.

The audition was 5 guys v 5 girls and we were given a topic to debate over and told what our view was to be. For example one of them was "Fast food is good" and the men were to argue against it. Some snotty nosed-i'm too good for this audition-bint came out with 'I dont know how to cook" to which I replied "no wonder you're single". ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

One of those moments where as the words leave your lips, your brain is saying "what the hell are you doing?!".

You just made Irn Bru come out of my nose. How did you NOT get on saying that!?

Let us not forget that great SWP stalwart and once popular quiz show, Who wants to be a millionaire? For Christ Tarrant deliberately stating the obvious over and over and over and over again in a bid to stretch the tension harder than a turbo charged Dyson in a drum.

A contestant, having just won £125,000 pondering on the £250,000 question, with a potential £93,000 drop to the safety net of £32,000.

Roll credits.

So. Your name's Bob. You're a plumber. You're facing a potential MASSIVE leak of £93,000 if you get this wrong. For two weeks you've been pondering this question. It's a huge life changing sum of money. Now you've only got your 50/50. You don't have to play this question. You can take the money. It's only easy if you know the answer. Take your time. This question is ALL that stands between you and.........a quarter of a million pounds. Now your name's Bob. You've got two kids is that right? What would your kids say if they saw Daddy lose £93,000 now? Would they be upset? If you won £250,000 would you give up being a plumber. Now remember if you do play, then as soon as it goes orange, you can't go back, so take your time. Your name's Bob. You're on £125,000. you don't have to play. You've got one lifeline. It's a 50/50 where the computer will take away two of the wrong answers leaving two remaing answers one of which is right and the other one which is wrong. If you give me the right answer now, you will win £250,000 with the chance to play for HALF a million pounds. Think carefully it's A LOT of money. You don't have to play. Just remember you've got your lifeline. Now £32,000 is safe. Whatever happens tonight you'll be going away with at least that amount of money. A life changing sum of money. Perhaps it'll help pay off the mortgage. Maybe you'll buy a new car or go on a fantastic holiday. You don't have to play. Your name's Bob. I'm Chris Tarrant. You're watching Who wants to be a millionaire. Take your time. G...g....good game good game. Look at what you could have won. Oh no, not another speedboat. Ok here's your spelling question. Spell dog. I'll just check that with Bully. MOOOOOOO! Correct. Good one. Open the box. Total disaster. Incredible run of bad luck. I wonder how the banker's going to react? This will be the most sensational game. Your name's Bob. Is that your final answer? It doesn't have to be, it's only your final answer if you're happy for this to go orange. Nope. Ok, we'll continue this after the break. My name's Bob, no, no that's your name. Don't go away!