Being nice doesn't pay

Been-Grant-Mitchell'd! · Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:31 am

Have you noticed that those people you help out usually turn out to be the worst kind?*
I had a phone call from a hospital saying my "mate" had been admitted and had asked for me to visit him.
I'd not spoken to this person for seven months or so, but nevertheless said I'd be over the next day to visit him.
He was in hospital for a further two weeks and in that time, I bought him TV credit, phone credit, and gave him money so he could buy things from the catering trolley.
When he left hospital I bought clothes and again gave him some money so he could pay rent etc.
Last week he asked for a loan which I did.

Since then nothing. No answer from his phone etc.

Then I heard he'd done well the past week (he's not a player by the way) and had accumulated quite a bit of cash.

I won't give info but I found it hard to see anyone go hungry etc as I know what it's like.

But now I see things differently. If they're struggling then tough. Go hungry. Be homeless. I don't care.

Maybe it's a pointless thread but I'm well pissed off.
If I see another player, I won't say where I've been or where I'm going. Being nice doesn't get you anywhere.

The Dark Horse · Post by **The Dark Horse** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:51 am

I was going to get "Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness" as another tattoo a while back, because that's exactly what people do mate. Spoke to one of my childhood friends a few months ago. His mum, now close to 70, had been charged with running a brothel in Watford for several years. She was put on tag and had most of her money confiscated leaving her in a lot of debt. His mum was always good to me when I was a kid, so when he asked me for help and I gave him a grand without thinking twice. He said I'd have it back in a few weeks, but I expected to lose it. A couple of weeks after his mum tried to commit suicide with an overdose. Obviously I wouldn't ask for the money now, but I've called him a few times just to see if he's ok and he won't answer my calls. For fucks sake I just want to see if the guy is alright, so sad how money comes in between friendships.

Been-Grant-Mitchell'd! · Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:02 pm

I was reading the Focus magazine the other day and basically it said if you wanted to be successful you had to be ruthless. That's what I'll be from now on.

Mistaking kindness for weakness is a common thing, especially in this game.

I understand where you're coming from Horsey, but no matter what he says, you've done your bit when it comes to helping out your mate. You helped him out and he's been a cunt basically.

For me, I wish I'd let them starve. And it's not like me to say that.

A fool & his money maybe.

johncluedo · Post by **johncluedo** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:51 pm

I know what you mean, it is not the money that matters its the fact that they are ignoring you. I have had it loads of times in the past and if they just answered and said that they didn't have it, there would be no problem.

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:56 pm

you got many tattoo's then darky m8 .

ive got too many lol , but im not finished yet

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:07 pm

johncluedo wrote:I know what you mean, it is not the money that matters its the fact that they are ignoring you. I have had it loads of times in the past and if they just answered and said that they didn't have it, there would be no problem.

Too right, most have us have been brassic at some point, ignoring is just plain wrong.

Mr McStreak · Post by **Mr McStreak** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:09 pm

Been-Grant-Mitchell'd! wrote:Have you noticed that those people you help out usually turn out to be the worst kind?*
I had a phone call from a hospital saying my "mate" had been admitted and had asked for me to visit him.
I'd not spoken to this person for seven months or so, but nevertheless said I'd be over the next day to visit him.
He was in hospital for a further two weeks and in that time, I bought him TV credit, phone credit, and gave him money so he could buy things from the catering trolley.
When he left hospital I bought clothes and again gave him some money so he could pay rent etc.
Last week he asked for a loan which I did.

Since then nothing. No answer from his phone etc.

Then I heard he'd done well the past week (he's not a player by the way) and had accumulated quite a bit of cash.

I won't give info but I found it hard to see anyone go hungry etc as I know what it's like.

But now I see things differently. If they're struggling then tough. Go hungry. Be homeless. I don't care.

Maybe it's a pointless thread but I'm well pissed off.
If I see another player, I won't say where I've been or where I'm going. Being nice doesn't get you anywhere.

There is nothing wrong with being nice mate, but it's all about judgement. There is a fine line between being a good friend to someone, and being too nice and gaining a reputation for being a pushover. If this is the first time you have been burnt like this then i'd just put it down to experience, but make every effort to get the money back.

If you have been hit like this before then you probably need to re-evaluate your stance on such situations so it doesn't reoccur at a later date. You may well end up feeling like you are out of order asking for the money back, and they'll make it look like they are doing you a favour giving anything back the longer it goes on.

I think people borrow money with the best intentions of paying it back in a timely fashion, but those good intentions erode as the days pass.

I've probably lent out a good few grand over the years and not seen it back, but then there have been occasions where i've been guilty of taking the piss when paying back debts, due to my chronic inability to manage my finances properly.

But i've done more than my fair share of good deeds over the years, and I feel that i've been repaid down the line.

ob · Post by ob » Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:23 am

Yeh I was gonna say, those people that are really your friends, are those that actually make a good effort to pay you back IF they can...

Those that don't are just Twats....

Don't lose faith in humanity eh Jord...

The Dark Horse · Post by **The Dark Horse** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:56 am

We all feel like being ruthless when other peoples behaviour upsets us mate, but it's hard if you have an empathetic character and it'll only make you unhappy in the long run. People have to really upset you to change your whole mindframe into becoming ruthless.

For example, I was with a girl for a couple of years when I was younger who decided to leave me for my best mate. This was a harsh double edged sword because the betrayal left me not only unable to trust women, but my friends too. It messed me up so much that I vowed to be completely ruthless in my future relationships and friendships. I treated every woman I met like shit and I didn't trust any of my friends around my girlfriends or at all really. I shut everyone out but it just made me become a cunt, people hurt me so I wanted to hurt others, well maybe subconsciously I did at least.

As I got older and became a bit more enlightened I realised how many good people I had shut out of my life. Chances with people often don't come twice in life and you can live to regret not letting some people in your life who deserved to be and burning bridges that can never be rebuilt.

People who are born ruthless will always be more successful financially, that's for sure. I don't think that really means they are more successful in life though. As Redlinesman said in one of his wiser posts, having material objects and wealth doesn't bring true happiness, life is simply about interacting with other people, sharing experiences with other people, that is what brings people true happiness.

I think you've got a good nature Jordan and you like to help others out. Sometimes you'll get stung, but the way I see it is if I give 5 people a chance in life and 4 of them throw it back in my face, and even just one of them turns out to be a real true friend, then it's been worth it in the long run. Decent people are hard to find and filter in life, sometimes it can be like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially when you've got a lot of money around you.

Saying all that, there has to be a line drawn with any repeat offenders, people who take the piss and think they can come back and do it again need to be shown the door.

And Lee, yes I've got a couple of tattoos, nothing too major, you would love one of my mates tattoos though. He has every Marvel superhero on his back in full colour, it's really well done aswell.

eastangliapro · Post by **eastangliapro** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:02 am

people take this piss when it comes down to money that's what i find.....i personally am not lending out nothing no more as you find yourself having to ask for it back and when you do it's just lie after lie

ob · Post by ob » Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:05 am

The Dark Horse wrote:We all feel like being ruthless when other peoples behaviour upsets us mate, but it's hard if you have an empathetic character and it'll only make you unhappy in the long run. People have to really upset you to change your whole mindframe into becoming ruthless.

For example, I was with a girl for a couple of years when I was younger who decided to leave me for my best mate. This was a harsh double edged sword because the betrayal left me not only unable to trust women, but my friends too. It messed me up so much that I vowed to be completely ruthless in my future relationships and friendships. I treated every woman I met like shit and I didn't trust any of my friends around my girlfriends or at all really. I shut everyone out but it just made me become a cunt, people hurt me so I wanted to hurt others, well maybe subconsciously I did at least.

As I got older and became a bit more enlightened I realised how many good people I had shut out of my life. Chances with people often don't come twice in life and you can live to regret not letting some people in your life who deserved to be and burning bridges that can never be rebuilt.

People who are born ruthless will always be more successful financially, that's for sure. I don't think that really means they are more successful in life though. As Redlinesman said in one of his wiser posts, having material objects and wealth doesn't bring true happiness, life is simply about interacting with other people, sharing experiences with other people, that is what brings people true happiness.

I think you've got a good nature Jordan and you like to help others out. Sometimes you'll get stung, but the way I see it is if I give 5 people a chance in life and 4 of them throw it back in my face, and even just one of them turns out to be a real true friend, then it's been worth it in the long run. Decent people are hard to find and filter in life, sometimes it can be like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially when you've got a lot of money around you.

Saying all that, there has to be a line drawn with any repeat offenders, people who take the piss and think they can come back and do it again need to be shown the door.

And Lee, yes I've got a couple of tattoos, nothing too major, you would love one of my mates tattoos though. He has every Marvel superhero on his back in full colour, it's really well done aswell.

Good post, agreed on most points!

Glendale · Post by **Glendale** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:21 am

eastangliapro wrote:people take this piss when it comes down to money that's what i find.....i personally am not lending out nothing no more as you find yourself having to ask for it back and when you do it's just lie after lie

Start the weekend of with a shock i agree with kesh! People find you to borrow money so why do you have to find them to get it back?

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:23 am

darky m8 , i want pictures from your m8's back

i have spiderman , hulk , captain america , thor , iron man , the thing , human torch and the marvel logo on my back

left arm catwoman , right arm dr octopus ,,,,, with arms going everywhere lol

front ,, dc logo , batman , wonderwoman , green lantern ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and of course ,,, superman.

still want more lol

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:36 am

anyhow my view on loans

keep em small ,,,,,,,,,, it has a double effect

1. your not arsed if you dont get 10 quid back ,,,,,,, and can write it off

2. you have a legitimate excuse for not lending the next time ,,,,,,,,, ''sorry m8 , you never paid me that tenner back , ,,,,,,, try someone else''

a true friend will always ''come to you'' with the money back on or before the agreed payback date

you should never have to ask for your own money back,,,,,,,,,,,, and made to feel guilty about doing so

The Dark Horse · Post by **The Dark Horse** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:07 am

Had a look on Facebook Lee, he seems to have removed his profile (good move), but I'll try ask him for a pic. His back has exactly the same characters as yours but with Silver Surfer and possibly Juggernaut aswell I think but without the Marvel logo. I must have read you have similair somewhere before which is why I thought you would like it. His back is a bit ruined by the Thai translation of his nickname he got on the bottom of his neck a few years before though, it doesn't really go well with the superhero stuff.