well today its been mixed been told that the arcade i normally go in (two of same name in town) have had to sack one of there managers because once a month he would go in and turn the % win down on alot of machines and then wait till a late night and then reek the rewards. This is from one of the staff so not just gossip basicly was told to either get sacked or police involved. Was told it had been happening for years too.
So decided to never go in again after that lost trust in them all really.
But a nice parting gift. £5 in a rainbox riches. Nothing. Found £3 more pound lose in posket, first one 3 elfs which went all the way to £350.
Makes me wonder how many arcades are doggy?
today
STORY#1 FROM 'RICKY' IN BEDFORDSHIRE: 'SMASHING TIMES!'
Hi, this site is the fucking bizz!! I'm Ricky I always wanted to run an arcade after working in one and seeing how much they made! I worked in Quicksilver in Sidney St.(Cambridge) in 1993-1996. The pay was fucking crap, and on audit day (Tuesday) we had to work 7am. - 9pm.
The managers were as bent as hell - within reason we used our imagination to supplement our wages. I used to take a tenner per visit from a lad (Gerry) who was supposed to be barred, as he used to hang around sharking the other customers. Like it said on the site, the S.P.O. fiddle was great; if a player lost £15 in a short payout, we'd 'witness' £25 and split the difference!
We were also 'bunged' a few quid by telling the regulars which were full from others' losses. After hours we'd also roll machines with tokens if left ready to roll by players. I saw hard men break machine glasses after being reduced to tears spending £125 to roll 'Hit the Bell' for £50!!
We had a 'Big Issue' chap who used to sell outside; he'd earn over £200 some days and I saw him lose £100 in Eastenders in 90 mins! Due to his job, he'd always have change!
Like this site says, I'd see people walk in all happy, knowing they had funds on them to feed their habits, and 3 hours later they'd be broken and unhappy. I envy this guy for having had the chance to own a place, but I wouldn't be so disparaging about their misery, because I saw relationships/marriages break up due to peoples debt and losses.
The worst I ever saw were a middle aged couple who used to come in and play the 3 £10 all cash Big 7's. One Saturday I saw them withdraw over £700 from cash machines with various Credit/debit cards, and lose the lot!! The most they one at one time was £55 from one machine! How on earth did they afford it and why did they keep coming back? God knows. One big lad who worked nearby as a Doorman put a tenner in a Big 7 once, without even getting a win/nudge or anything. He punched the bastard and put the glass through, wrecking it. Me and my pal Leroy had to get the first-aid kit and mop up the blood and stem the bleeding - I bet he's still got the scars! The thing is, because he was regular he didn't even have to pay owt for it, and nothing was said. He was obviously more use as a customer than being barred (and he was a big chap which may have had a bearing).
I can also back-up the part about pawning goods - I picked up quite a lot of stuff dirt cheap, but unlike Simon here I was not rich and needed the discounts. If you publish this mate, I didn't go to Huntingdon so I can't tell if you're real, but the methods and stories ring a bell whatever. I never did get to own an arcade, just went into a delivery firm eventually, but now I wish I could've as I know too how easy a scam it is!
Ricky
SIMON SAYS;
I'm glad you didn't work for me, I was devious enough without having the fucking staff at it too! Just goes to show though how fallible is the human nature to greed, and everyone is tempted by it.
I viewed the whole thing mathematically; every addict was £2k+ a year, I wanted 'x' amount of money so needed 'x' amount of punters/addicts. The thing is, I detected very early on in my arcade career that punters didn't seem to really want to win, or expect to. Even if they (rarely) did, they'd just hang around and lose it again. It was almost like they wanted to lose, and were punishing themselves. They seemed totally hypnotized by the reels and lights, and their money was not being gambled, but rather paying for the hourly pleasure of the lights and noises.
As I say on my introduction page, the jackpot noise and flashing etc. would seem to give the idiots some sort of 'buzz' and feeling of achievement/self fulfilment that presumably was lacking elsewhere in their lives. Ricky, your bit about the couple losing £700 sums that up.
Thanks for your submission, Simon.
STORY#2 FROM DENNY IN TRURO: 'SPLASH CASH!'
Hello Simon, I like your site, not sure I'd have enjoyed working for you though!! My best laugh was the typical Irish wino who used to stagger in at opening at 10a.m. in the morning. We use to give him a maxpax coffee and a 3-pack of stale digestives or something, and then he'd fuck off. We never caught his name due to his incoherent speech, but it was something like ppffzzill. Anyway in December 98 we had a new manager start from head office on the Monday morning. He saw Mary who worked with me give wino a coffee and warned us "not to encourage more scum than we already endure...." Tuesday morning he came back, and I told him due to a new manager we were not to give him anymore stuff. It took a while to get this through to him, and meanwhile the manager went into his office. After telling wino, I went up the other end and was chatting to Mary as it was freezing near the door. I was facing the door while talking to her, and wino appeared to be doing a 'Batman' act in front of a Crystal Maze machine, with his long coat open and his hands in the pockets making it spread out. I ignored it and hoped he'd go away, which he did shortly. About half hour later, when back down the front near the door, I thought I saw smoke from the coin tray of the machine! Upon closer inspection, it turned out the dirty fucker had pissed in the payout tray! There was a 2 inch deep pool of steaming snakebite-scented golden piss in the plastic tray!! I couldn't fucking believe it - he had to pick that machine with a moulded plastic tray instead of a flat metal one where the puddle would have leaked out down the edges and joins. I said to Mary, you deal with that and we both decided to ignore it. After lunch, a lady came in and played the Crystal Maze, and sod's law within £2 got the dome with a couple of £5 repeats. We hid round the corner, knowing what would happen. Sure enough, we soon heard "plop, plunk splosh' and waited for the inevitable. She came over and complained her coins were wet because some idiot "had tipped beer in the tray" Trying not to laugh we told her to rinse them in the toilet basin while we checked it out. Upon the toss of a coin Mary had to scoop it out with a plastic cup. She then cleaned it with bleach and warm water. What to this day Mary still doesn't know is that I tipped the piss in the hot water reservoir of the coffee machine instead of going to the bog and doing it! Not one person ever complained about the hot drinks though after - either the coffee was bad enough to cover it up, or the alcohol in the piss made them think it was 'hot toddy'! I mean are people so addicted to gambling that it blocks all their other senses out?
Denny
SIMON SAYS:
You dirty sod! I never had anything that disgusting occur in my place! Mind you, like your wino bloke, the place did attract all the low-life. The wino is just addicted to something different from the players though, when it comes down to it. They smell the same, and they're just as broke as each other. You can avoid problems like this by charging for the coffee, or making it so bad that no cunt'll drink it. (as you did) This cuts overheads.
Thanks for your story, SIMON
STORY #3: ANONYMOUS: 'WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE!'
I saw your shit and couldnt bileve it you cunt you laugh at peoples missfortune and think your clever cos you stole peoples money. I hope you die in hell wanka and if i find you i'll kick you fuckin head in tosser. My childhood was ruined by cunts like you. my mum would spend all her cash in holes like yours twat. i never had one school trip nor did my 3 brothers and sisters and we only got a free school meal to eat a day cos never any food in our slum. once or twice a year she would win when she gambelled the child benefitt on monday and if she had it left a closing wed be lucky and get a multipak of marsbars or crisps. You dont think of that do you basterd? when my father was out of prison wed get some cheap shoes or clothes if he came and teachers thought we were ill cos we wer so skiny. we had to beg for tokens for electric metre cos mum had spent her money in your place. I hated xmas cos wed be lucky to get a cheep toy from the market and we had to sit around a candle. if it got reely cold shed sometimes lite it for us, then complane about shes skint. imy family put up with 5 years of mizery cos of cunts like you mate until mum died of wasting away to nothing after spending her last coppers on some chips for us one easter. we was put in care then and started to put on wait and now ive got a job and food and mony cos im a kitchen porter. I get sad still though thinkin about my days spent out in the cold watching threw the window as she staired at those mashines as if poesessed by them and spent her mony wile you had food and cloths you tosser. I cant go in a pub in case thers on of those evel things in it as if i see one i have fits and have to go to hospitle cos i pass out and start tremblin and cry. You are an evel basted and i hope your life ends like mums did weying 5 stone with no heat and food and lites flashing in your hed you parersite. Ill fuckin get you one day and plug you in a mashine by your arse then see how much fun its to be a conmen.
SIMON SAYS:
Well dickhead, you obviously only went to school for dinner 'cos judging by your typing you learned fuck-all else! Why not provide an e-mail addy without hiding behind threats? If this is real, then it's your mum's fault - she should put her kids first, not her own 'pleausure'!
People are NOT born equal; the strong exploit the weak and that's the way the world is.After aspiring to the position of 'kitchen porter', you should know this. A fool and their money are soon parted, and there will always be someone to take it!
It's a shame she didn't live a bit longer, as her local arcade would've lost a packet by her demise - if she'd lived longer and got a bit thinner, she could have put her arm down the coin-mech and strimmed herself some free credits to win money to buy you brats stuff!
Happy washing-up, Simon
STORY #4: AN 'ARCADE OWNER' FROM SOUTH EAST: 'OPEN DOOR POLICY'
Hi Simon, here's one for your tips page really - a little fiddle we are doing on newer machines (I don't know if this worked in your day, but it does now). What I do (because I work for a chain) is select a couple of machines each morning and open the back door slightly, just enough to remove the pressure on the switch. AS you may know, this means the machine will take £1 coins as normal credits and play normally but give lots of 'demo' wins etc. The old dear who plays it will put a tenner in, or more, and run up a bank. Of course this won't payout and she calls me over, and I discreetly put my hand on the top and shut the door, which resets the machine and the bank goes. After blagging my way out of it by telling them that is was behaving strangely (giving lots of wins etc.) and pointing out that this is not usually how it plays etc. I remove the amount of coins (roughly) that I saw her put in via the drop test, and give her a few and tell her 'machine is now repaired and will compensate for the lack of payout via the gameplay! No-one's the wiser and I've made a few quid!
'K'
SIMON SAYS:
A man after me own heart! - this did work in my day, although a bit cumbersome. At the end of the day, arcade pay is piss-poor even for the (mis)management. Owners almost assume you're bumping up your pay with a bit of 'imagination' so I don't blame you a bit! If punters can afford to play, they can afford to lose. As i said on the front page, I kept staff to a minimum, so I was doing all the conning, no-one else!
You'll easily pass the audit checks doing this scam, so carry on.
P.S. Take full advantage of your companys's 50p tokens, wink, wink!
Regards,Simon
STORY #5 FROM DAVID IN LONDON: 'PULLING MY WIRE!'
Hi, Simon
I love the site, brings back some great memories of slaving for a pittance, cheers mate! One fiddle I'm surprised you didn't mention was the 'tube-switch' con. We'd take backhanders off our pals to play certain machines which before opening we would swap the live wires on the tubes so the £4.80 jackpot instead of being 4xpound coins and 8x10p coins, would come out at 8xpound coins and 4x 10p pieces!! This would mean jackpots of £8.40 instead obviously and £1.20 would become £2.10 etc. The machines were usually £40 tubes in pound coins but we had some that held £80 as they'd previously been lengthened due to being emptied properly and the manager got fed up with with filling them up. Apart from a percentage from our mates, we'd also do this ourselves after closing and just leave a small amount in them as they only took 20 minutes to virtually empty. Then we would put the wires back again, and no one was the wiser, the public would soon refill them and it was untraceable afterwards. The owner never knew and we normally made our weeks' wages again between 2 and 3 times. No wonder the wages are so shitty in arcades, it's the lowest position in life apart from working in Mc.Donalds, but at least you can be creative. I must admit I agree with you though, that the only person who really wins is the owner. Some morons I saw lost so much that the only food they had daily was the free biscuits crisps and cheap coffee we gave out. I reckon if I worked for the Samaritans I'd have see less depression and misery than I did there so I'm glad I got out.
Dave G.
SIMON SAYS:
Fuck me!, what an industry it is! - bent owners ripping the public and staff off, staff ripping the owners and public off, the public trying to rip the machines off and the machines ripping everyone off!!
I paid poverty wages to my assistant, but she was as straight as a die. I was on site 90% of the time anyway, so no-one had the chance to con people except me. Being inherently dishonest myself, I was too paranoid to trust others.
As for the tube-switching, although I didn't mention it on the front page, I did this after hours to accelerate my theft of coins from the machines, which I later exchanged for the arcade itself!
As they all pay £1 coins out now, this would be impossible today.
Bugger, you've let the cat out of the bag , Dave!!
Cheers,Simon
STORY #6 FROM 'TOMMO' IN LIVERPOOL: 'FAT PROFITS!'
Hi Simon,
A very refreshing read, is your site, certainly true about the business. I worked as assistant manager in a site in Liverpool. Your readers tale about the wino made me laugh because we got some right mingers and skanks in our place. The worst was called 'Shelley' (or 'smelly' by us!). She wasn't an alchy as she couldn't afford booze after what she lost in our place. She weighed about 20 stone, smelt like a foot and mouth funeral pyre and had greasy hair smeared against her head. Her remaining teeth resembled a pack of liquorice allsorts and her breath was unspeakable. We'd all hide if she came in as we didn't want to go near her. I think we should have got a bonus for giving her change.
She used to sit on this vinyl stool and it would almost disappear up her arse. When we looked from behind, it was like a mushroom with this stool embedded in her and the two huge arse cheeks hanging down each side of it. I still have nightmares now.
The thing is, every now and again we'd hear this huge 'phrraapp' as the pressure of her impending flatulence broke free of the airtight seal between her arse and the stool. We complained to the manager as did some customers, but he was too embarassed to say anything, and as she spent loads he wouldn't bar her. The thing was, even the seasoned addicts wouldn't go near their favourite machines if she was positioned next to them, and due to her size, wherever you were standing in the room you were always next to her.
We put up with this for ages, until one day this 'Grossburger' lookalike from Stir Crazy came in, went straight over to her and dragged her towards the door in a headlock!! We asked what was going on, and he told us it was 'his missus'! Apparently, she'd been telling him she was at work full time when really she only worked part-time and came in our place after lunch most days and lost her wages. It was this that had made him go looking for her as he'd wondered why they never had any money in the bank!!
They walked off down the road arguing like cat and dog, and we never saw her again. We almost had a party and it made life worth living again! I suppose in retrospect the thing that shocked us most was the fact that she was married - If I was him I'd rather go down on the Titanic. Poor Grossburger.
TOMMO
SIMON SAYS:
Yes mate, thanks for reminding me of the subhumans us arcade owners encountered! We didn't get anyone quite that repulsive in, though some came close. The thing is, barring is too costly if it means losing a good saddict for the sake of a personal hygiene problem.
A small can of 'Glade' would do the trick if used with integrity. As for the guffing and other 'below the belt' aromas, the air-conditioning fans could be turned up to disperse the offending gases quicker, along with the music to hide their sound. This is cheap compared to losing a saddict - think profit, think turnover!
I sympathise with your plight, but can also understand the management not wanting to bar her. The manager should though, have made more effort to improve the ambience and atmosphere in the premises for the good of all present.
Ta, Simon
STORY #7 FROM 'Super Streaker' (A PLAYER SOMEWHERE IN THE U.K.)
I went down to my KING KEBAB shop last nite, cos I had MONEY MONEY MONEY.
I thought I was in for a LOTTA LUCK cos this stunner in a RED WHITE & BLUE mini skirt came up to me and said, do you mind if I SPIN ON IT?, acting on IMPULSE I said god you're a CRACKER.
My nob was on RED ALERT as I took her back to mar car. I could of been AUSTIN POWERS as we shagged in a FRENZY. She said I had BALLS OF STEEL as I unleashed my FRUIT EXPLOSION.
I said I would give her a lift home, but warned her I was a bit of a ROAD HOG. Unfortunately we had a WIPEOUT, ao we had to go home ON THE BUSSES!!
We got back to her place and she NUDGE, NUDGE, WINK WINKED me and said are you READY TO ROCK again? LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL I replied, so she grabbed my TUBULAR BELL and went to work.
I must of upset her though, cos her BIG BROTHER came out and chased me AROUND THE TOWN!! I lost him though, so it really was a GREAT ESCAPE. I hope she's not pregnant though, as I would never find a suitable CODFATHER!!
What a night. I looked up to god and said MAXAMILLION!!
A great story I'm sure you will all agree!!!
SIMON SAYS:
A LIKELY STORY! Probably reflects the ROLLERCOASTER life of a player. I've had a FLASHBACK or two myself, from when I used to drive around in my THUNDERBIRD, despite my ANDY CAPP, HEYPRESTO, a few ladies felt my RED HOT POKER!
SIMON
STORY #8 FROM 'HARRY' (LOCATION UNKNOWN)
Cheers Daz. I for one was taken in by your spoof stories!. Having worked in an arcade for a year I know how much of what you have written actually goes on.
One of the best ones was when we emptied the machines of 10p's and bagged them up in £100 bags. There was a great big machine for counting them. What I used to do was pour about twenty pounds into a cloth bag and then reset the counter to zero. Then I would add another hundred pounds to the bag and put it in the safe. The management would not bother checking and assumed that there was a ton in it. When they were gone I used to add it to my float and cop the difference.
The short payout on tokens actually paid for my bosses car as we used to do about eighty quid a day and take them to a pub and empty a machine of cash. With 10p's they only contained about £25. After a while each arcade chain started putting different slots in the tokens to stop this sort of thing. Another thing would be to use a piece of lawnmower strimmer wire bent to the right shape to clock up ninety-nine credits on the old style metal slots (pre the Mars Electronics plastic style you see today).
Old games like Missile Command you could flick 10p's into the 50p slot and get three 20p games for this. As the 10p's & 50p's went into the same collection box nobody caught on for months.
Heres a recollection from the old days. An acquaintance of mine had lost all his money in the arcade and hadn't eaten all day. A few minutes later a punter came into the arcade and hit a high number of nudges on the machine and didn't know the reels. A small crowd gathered around to hustle him. My acquaintance(not a friend) then told him to look and see which symbol was below a certain reel. Whilst doing this he seized his chance and stole the Burger King bag the punter had put on top of the machine and legged it out of the arcade. Result:Two pound win and one Whopper lost. The poor punter almost burst out crying when he discovered what had happened.
True story this from about 1983.
SIMON SAYS:
YES, a'saddict' will spend all his money gambling before thinking "derrr, I've gotta eat this week", hence resorting to nefarious means of acquiring food etc.
Fucking good job; I never allowed punters to eat in my arcades (not unless I conned them for the food). Wimpy's are a no-no, as they stop people shovelling money in while they eat. If they want to eat, they do it outside arcade hours!
On the other part, well ripped off! Con the shit out of the site (until you own it, then no-one but YOU cons people). I know these coin-counters, but I never needed one because after what I creamed off, what was left wasn't worth counting; just a working balance in each machine's tubes.
Most of the money was counted from the bottom of machines into my pockets daily, especially after I took it over instead of merely (mis)managing it!!
I hasten to add you wouldn't have got away with that while I was in charge, but well exploited anyway.
P.S. If you knew where, you could BUY the pissing tokens for about 4p each, freshly pressed out!
SIMON.
Hi, this site is the fucking bizz!! I'm Ricky I always wanted to run an arcade after working in one and seeing how much they made! I worked in Quicksilver in Sidney St.(Cambridge) in 1993-1996. The pay was fucking crap, and on audit day (Tuesday) we had to work 7am. - 9pm.
The managers were as bent as hell - within reason we used our imagination to supplement our wages. I used to take a tenner per visit from a lad (Gerry) who was supposed to be barred, as he used to hang around sharking the other customers. Like it said on the site, the S.P.O. fiddle was great; if a player lost £15 in a short payout, we'd 'witness' £25 and split the difference!
We were also 'bunged' a few quid by telling the regulars which were full from others' losses. After hours we'd also roll machines with tokens if left ready to roll by players. I saw hard men break machine glasses after being reduced to tears spending £125 to roll 'Hit the Bell' for £50!!
We had a 'Big Issue' chap who used to sell outside; he'd earn over £200 some days and I saw him lose £100 in Eastenders in 90 mins! Due to his job, he'd always have change!
Like this site says, I'd see people walk in all happy, knowing they had funds on them to feed their habits, and 3 hours later they'd be broken and unhappy. I envy this guy for having had the chance to own a place, but I wouldn't be so disparaging about their misery, because I saw relationships/marriages break up due to peoples debt and losses.
The worst I ever saw were a middle aged couple who used to come in and play the 3 £10 all cash Big 7's. One Saturday I saw them withdraw over £700 from cash machines with various Credit/debit cards, and lose the lot!! The most they one at one time was £55 from one machine! How on earth did they afford it and why did they keep coming back? God knows. One big lad who worked nearby as a Doorman put a tenner in a Big 7 once, without even getting a win/nudge or anything. He punched the bastard and put the glass through, wrecking it. Me and my pal Leroy had to get the first-aid kit and mop up the blood and stem the bleeding - I bet he's still got the scars! The thing is, because he was regular he didn't even have to pay owt for it, and nothing was said. He was obviously more use as a customer than being barred (and he was a big chap which may have had a bearing).
I can also back-up the part about pawning goods - I picked up quite a lot of stuff dirt cheap, but unlike Simon here I was not rich and needed the discounts. If you publish this mate, I didn't go to Huntingdon so I can't tell if you're real, but the methods and stories ring a bell whatever. I never did get to own an arcade, just went into a delivery firm eventually, but now I wish I could've as I know too how easy a scam it is!
Ricky
SIMON SAYS;
I'm glad you didn't work for me, I was devious enough without having the fucking staff at it too! Just goes to show though how fallible is the human nature to greed, and everyone is tempted by it.
I viewed the whole thing mathematically; every addict was £2k+ a year, I wanted 'x' amount of money so needed 'x' amount of punters/addicts. The thing is, I detected very early on in my arcade career that punters didn't seem to really want to win, or expect to. Even if they (rarely) did, they'd just hang around and lose it again. It was almost like they wanted to lose, and were punishing themselves. They seemed totally hypnotized by the reels and lights, and their money was not being gambled, but rather paying for the hourly pleasure of the lights and noises.
As I say on my introduction page, the jackpot noise and flashing etc. would seem to give the idiots some sort of 'buzz' and feeling of achievement/self fulfilment that presumably was lacking elsewhere in their lives. Ricky, your bit about the couple losing £700 sums that up.
Thanks for your submission, Simon.
STORY#2 FROM DENNY IN TRURO: 'SPLASH CASH!'
Hello Simon, I like your site, not sure I'd have enjoyed working for you though!! My best laugh was the typical Irish wino who used to stagger in at opening at 10a.m. in the morning. We use to give him a maxpax coffee and a 3-pack of stale digestives or something, and then he'd fuck off. We never caught his name due to his incoherent speech, but it was something like ppffzzill. Anyway in December 98 we had a new manager start from head office on the Monday morning. He saw Mary who worked with me give wino a coffee and warned us "not to encourage more scum than we already endure...." Tuesday morning he came back, and I told him due to a new manager we were not to give him anymore stuff. It took a while to get this through to him, and meanwhile the manager went into his office. After telling wino, I went up the other end and was chatting to Mary as it was freezing near the door. I was facing the door while talking to her, and wino appeared to be doing a 'Batman' act in front of a Crystal Maze machine, with his long coat open and his hands in the pockets making it spread out. I ignored it and hoped he'd go away, which he did shortly. About half hour later, when back down the front near the door, I thought I saw smoke from the coin tray of the machine! Upon closer inspection, it turned out the dirty fucker had pissed in the payout tray! There was a 2 inch deep pool of steaming snakebite-scented golden piss in the plastic tray!! I couldn't fucking believe it - he had to pick that machine with a moulded plastic tray instead of a flat metal one where the puddle would have leaked out down the edges and joins. I said to Mary, you deal with that and we both decided to ignore it. After lunch, a lady came in and played the Crystal Maze, and sod's law within £2 got the dome with a couple of £5 repeats. We hid round the corner, knowing what would happen. Sure enough, we soon heard "plop, plunk splosh' and waited for the inevitable. She came over and complained her coins were wet because some idiot "had tipped beer in the tray" Trying not to laugh we told her to rinse them in the toilet basin while we checked it out. Upon the toss of a coin Mary had to scoop it out with a plastic cup. She then cleaned it with bleach and warm water. What to this day Mary still doesn't know is that I tipped the piss in the hot water reservoir of the coffee machine instead of going to the bog and doing it! Not one person ever complained about the hot drinks though after - either the coffee was bad enough to cover it up, or the alcohol in the piss made them think it was 'hot toddy'! I mean are people so addicted to gambling that it blocks all their other senses out?
Denny
SIMON SAYS:
You dirty sod! I never had anything that disgusting occur in my place! Mind you, like your wino bloke, the place did attract all the low-life. The wino is just addicted to something different from the players though, when it comes down to it. They smell the same, and they're just as broke as each other. You can avoid problems like this by charging for the coffee, or making it so bad that no cunt'll drink it. (as you did) This cuts overheads.
Thanks for your story, SIMON
STORY #3: ANONYMOUS: 'WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE!'
I saw your shit and couldnt bileve it you cunt you laugh at peoples missfortune and think your clever cos you stole peoples money. I hope you die in hell wanka and if i find you i'll kick you fuckin head in tosser. My childhood was ruined by cunts like you. my mum would spend all her cash in holes like yours twat. i never had one school trip nor did my 3 brothers and sisters and we only got a free school meal to eat a day cos never any food in our slum. once or twice a year she would win when she gambelled the child benefitt on monday and if she had it left a closing wed be lucky and get a multipak of marsbars or crisps. You dont think of that do you basterd? when my father was out of prison wed get some cheap shoes or clothes if he came and teachers thought we were ill cos we wer so skiny. we had to beg for tokens for electric metre cos mum had spent her money in your place. I hated xmas cos wed be lucky to get a cheep toy from the market and we had to sit around a candle. if it got reely cold shed sometimes lite it for us, then complane about shes skint. imy family put up with 5 years of mizery cos of cunts like you mate until mum died of wasting away to nothing after spending her last coppers on some chips for us one easter. we was put in care then and started to put on wait and now ive got a job and food and mony cos im a kitchen porter. I get sad still though thinkin about my days spent out in the cold watching threw the window as she staired at those mashines as if poesessed by them and spent her mony wile you had food and cloths you tosser. I cant go in a pub in case thers on of those evel things in it as if i see one i have fits and have to go to hospitle cos i pass out and start tremblin and cry. You are an evel basted and i hope your life ends like mums did weying 5 stone with no heat and food and lites flashing in your hed you parersite. Ill fuckin get you one day and plug you in a mashine by your arse then see how much fun its to be a conmen.
SIMON SAYS:
Well dickhead, you obviously only went to school for dinner 'cos judging by your typing you learned fuck-all else! Why not provide an e-mail addy without hiding behind threats? If this is real, then it's your mum's fault - she should put her kids first, not her own 'pleausure'!
People are NOT born equal; the strong exploit the weak and that's the way the world is.After aspiring to the position of 'kitchen porter', you should know this. A fool and their money are soon parted, and there will always be someone to take it!
It's a shame she didn't live a bit longer, as her local arcade would've lost a packet by her demise - if she'd lived longer and got a bit thinner, she could have put her arm down the coin-mech and strimmed herself some free credits to win money to buy you brats stuff!
Happy washing-up, Simon
STORY #4: AN 'ARCADE OWNER' FROM SOUTH EAST: 'OPEN DOOR POLICY'
Hi Simon, here's one for your tips page really - a little fiddle we are doing on newer machines (I don't know if this worked in your day, but it does now). What I do (because I work for a chain) is select a couple of machines each morning and open the back door slightly, just enough to remove the pressure on the switch. AS you may know, this means the machine will take £1 coins as normal credits and play normally but give lots of 'demo' wins etc. The old dear who plays it will put a tenner in, or more, and run up a bank. Of course this won't payout and she calls me over, and I discreetly put my hand on the top and shut the door, which resets the machine and the bank goes. After blagging my way out of it by telling them that is was behaving strangely (giving lots of wins etc.) and pointing out that this is not usually how it plays etc. I remove the amount of coins (roughly) that I saw her put in via the drop test, and give her a few and tell her 'machine is now repaired and will compensate for the lack of payout via the gameplay! No-one's the wiser and I've made a few quid!
'K'
SIMON SAYS:
A man after me own heart! - this did work in my day, although a bit cumbersome. At the end of the day, arcade pay is piss-poor even for the (mis)management. Owners almost assume you're bumping up your pay with a bit of 'imagination' so I don't blame you a bit! If punters can afford to play, they can afford to lose. As i said on the front page, I kept staff to a minimum, so I was doing all the conning, no-one else!
You'll easily pass the audit checks doing this scam, so carry on.
P.S. Take full advantage of your companys's 50p tokens, wink, wink!
Regards,Simon
STORY #5 FROM DAVID IN LONDON: 'PULLING MY WIRE!'
Hi, Simon
I love the site, brings back some great memories of slaving for a pittance, cheers mate! One fiddle I'm surprised you didn't mention was the 'tube-switch' con. We'd take backhanders off our pals to play certain machines which before opening we would swap the live wires on the tubes so the £4.80 jackpot instead of being 4xpound coins and 8x10p coins, would come out at 8xpound coins and 4x 10p pieces!! This would mean jackpots of £8.40 instead obviously and £1.20 would become £2.10 etc. The machines were usually £40 tubes in pound coins but we had some that held £80 as they'd previously been lengthened due to being emptied properly and the manager got fed up with with filling them up. Apart from a percentage from our mates, we'd also do this ourselves after closing and just leave a small amount in them as they only took 20 minutes to virtually empty. Then we would put the wires back again, and no one was the wiser, the public would soon refill them and it was untraceable afterwards. The owner never knew and we normally made our weeks' wages again between 2 and 3 times. No wonder the wages are so shitty in arcades, it's the lowest position in life apart from working in Mc.Donalds, but at least you can be creative. I must admit I agree with you though, that the only person who really wins is the owner. Some morons I saw lost so much that the only food they had daily was the free biscuits crisps and cheap coffee we gave out. I reckon if I worked for the Samaritans I'd have see less depression and misery than I did there so I'm glad I got out.
Dave G.
SIMON SAYS:
Fuck me!, what an industry it is! - bent owners ripping the public and staff off, staff ripping the owners and public off, the public trying to rip the machines off and the machines ripping everyone off!!
I paid poverty wages to my assistant, but she was as straight as a die. I was on site 90% of the time anyway, so no-one had the chance to con people except me. Being inherently dishonest myself, I was too paranoid to trust others.
As for the tube-switching, although I didn't mention it on the front page, I did this after hours to accelerate my theft of coins from the machines, which I later exchanged for the arcade itself!
As they all pay £1 coins out now, this would be impossible today.
Bugger, you've let the cat out of the bag , Dave!!
Cheers,Simon
STORY #6 FROM 'TOMMO' IN LIVERPOOL: 'FAT PROFITS!'
Hi Simon,
A very refreshing read, is your site, certainly true about the business. I worked as assistant manager in a site in Liverpool. Your readers tale about the wino made me laugh because we got some right mingers and skanks in our place. The worst was called 'Shelley' (or 'smelly' by us!). She wasn't an alchy as she couldn't afford booze after what she lost in our place. She weighed about 20 stone, smelt like a foot and mouth funeral pyre and had greasy hair smeared against her head. Her remaining teeth resembled a pack of liquorice allsorts and her breath was unspeakable. We'd all hide if she came in as we didn't want to go near her. I think we should have got a bonus for giving her change.
She used to sit on this vinyl stool and it would almost disappear up her arse. When we looked from behind, it was like a mushroom with this stool embedded in her and the two huge arse cheeks hanging down each side of it. I still have nightmares now.
The thing is, every now and again we'd hear this huge 'phrraapp' as the pressure of her impending flatulence broke free of the airtight seal between her arse and the stool. We complained to the manager as did some customers, but he was too embarassed to say anything, and as she spent loads he wouldn't bar her. The thing was, even the seasoned addicts wouldn't go near their favourite machines if she was positioned next to them, and due to her size, wherever you were standing in the room you were always next to her.
We put up with this for ages, until one day this 'Grossburger' lookalike from Stir Crazy came in, went straight over to her and dragged her towards the door in a headlock!! We asked what was going on, and he told us it was 'his missus'! Apparently, she'd been telling him she was at work full time when really she only worked part-time and came in our place after lunch most days and lost her wages. It was this that had made him go looking for her as he'd wondered why they never had any money in the bank!!
They walked off down the road arguing like cat and dog, and we never saw her again. We almost had a party and it made life worth living again! I suppose in retrospect the thing that shocked us most was the fact that she was married - If I was him I'd rather go down on the Titanic. Poor Grossburger.
TOMMO
SIMON SAYS:
Yes mate, thanks for reminding me of the subhumans us arcade owners encountered! We didn't get anyone quite that repulsive in, though some came close. The thing is, barring is too costly if it means losing a good saddict for the sake of a personal hygiene problem.
A small can of 'Glade' would do the trick if used with integrity. As for the guffing and other 'below the belt' aromas, the air-conditioning fans could be turned up to disperse the offending gases quicker, along with the music to hide their sound. This is cheap compared to losing a saddict - think profit, think turnover!
I sympathise with your plight, but can also understand the management not wanting to bar her. The manager should though, have made more effort to improve the ambience and atmosphere in the premises for the good of all present.
Ta, Simon
STORY #7 FROM 'Super Streaker' (A PLAYER SOMEWHERE IN THE U.K.)
I went down to my KING KEBAB shop last nite, cos I had MONEY MONEY MONEY.
I thought I was in for a LOTTA LUCK cos this stunner in a RED WHITE & BLUE mini skirt came up to me and said, do you mind if I SPIN ON IT?, acting on IMPULSE I said god you're a CRACKER.
My nob was on RED ALERT as I took her back to mar car. I could of been AUSTIN POWERS as we shagged in a FRENZY. She said I had BALLS OF STEEL as I unleashed my FRUIT EXPLOSION.
I said I would give her a lift home, but warned her I was a bit of a ROAD HOG. Unfortunately we had a WIPEOUT, ao we had to go home ON THE BUSSES!!
We got back to her place and she NUDGE, NUDGE, WINK WINKED me and said are you READY TO ROCK again? LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL I replied, so she grabbed my TUBULAR BELL and went to work.
I must of upset her though, cos her BIG BROTHER came out and chased me AROUND THE TOWN!! I lost him though, so it really was a GREAT ESCAPE. I hope she's not pregnant though, as I would never find a suitable CODFATHER!!
What a night. I looked up to god and said MAXAMILLION!!
A great story I'm sure you will all agree!!!
SIMON SAYS:
A LIKELY STORY! Probably reflects the ROLLERCOASTER life of a player. I've had a FLASHBACK or two myself, from when I used to drive around in my THUNDERBIRD, despite my ANDY CAPP, HEYPRESTO, a few ladies felt my RED HOT POKER!
SIMON
STORY #8 FROM 'HARRY' (LOCATION UNKNOWN)
Cheers Daz. I for one was taken in by your spoof stories!. Having worked in an arcade for a year I know how much of what you have written actually goes on.
One of the best ones was when we emptied the machines of 10p's and bagged them up in £100 bags. There was a great big machine for counting them. What I used to do was pour about twenty pounds into a cloth bag and then reset the counter to zero. Then I would add another hundred pounds to the bag and put it in the safe. The management would not bother checking and assumed that there was a ton in it. When they were gone I used to add it to my float and cop the difference.
The short payout on tokens actually paid for my bosses car as we used to do about eighty quid a day and take them to a pub and empty a machine of cash. With 10p's they only contained about £25. After a while each arcade chain started putting different slots in the tokens to stop this sort of thing. Another thing would be to use a piece of lawnmower strimmer wire bent to the right shape to clock up ninety-nine credits on the old style metal slots (pre the Mars Electronics plastic style you see today).
Old games like Missile Command you could flick 10p's into the 50p slot and get three 20p games for this. As the 10p's & 50p's went into the same collection box nobody caught on for months.
Heres a recollection from the old days. An acquaintance of mine had lost all his money in the arcade and hadn't eaten all day. A few minutes later a punter came into the arcade and hit a high number of nudges on the machine and didn't know the reels. A small crowd gathered around to hustle him. My acquaintance(not a friend) then told him to look and see which symbol was below a certain reel. Whilst doing this he seized his chance and stole the Burger King bag the punter had put on top of the machine and legged it out of the arcade. Result:Two pound win and one Whopper lost. The poor punter almost burst out crying when he discovered what had happened.
True story this from about 1983.
SIMON SAYS:
YES, a'saddict' will spend all his money gambling before thinking "derrr, I've gotta eat this week", hence resorting to nefarious means of acquiring food etc.
Fucking good job; I never allowed punters to eat in my arcades (not unless I conned them for the food). Wimpy's are a no-no, as they stop people shovelling money in while they eat. If they want to eat, they do it outside arcade hours!
On the other part, well ripped off! Con the shit out of the site (until you own it, then no-one but YOU cons people). I know these coin-counters, but I never needed one because after what I creamed off, what was left wasn't worth counting; just a working balance in each machine's tubes.
Most of the money was counted from the bottom of machines into my pockets daily, especially after I took it over instead of merely (mis)managing it!!
I hasten to add you wouldn't have got away with that while I was in charge, but well exploited anyway.
P.S. If you knew where, you could BUY the pissing tokens for about 4p each, freshly pressed out!
SIMON.
Roulette free since December 2011.
-
betchrider
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4417
- Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:01 pm
-
mr lugsy
- Senior Member
- Posts: 5776
- Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:19 pm
- Location: looking over your shoulder
- Contact:
i think i read those on "arcade enemy"
there is a certain ring of truth to some of it.
back in the day of tokens the "perks" were easier, the token bags in my locals were plundered bigtime ,could buy tokens easily and often,some people were partial to a bottle of spirits ,others a carton of fags ,and so on.
best token sort out i had was a full sack for a bottle of jack,alot of tokens that was.
most tokens i ever had was most of the float of merlins when we moved there ,estimated 3.5 to 4k(i fealt like counting them but could'nt be arsed really),by a remarkable stroke of luck they fit the guards on xxLxxSxxxx pier, aswell as a couple of others owned by the same firm,i was given these in lieu of wages in the strictest confidence at a very favourable rate (about 12 days work)my mates car was sitting very low on the suspension for the journy back.
i had to be quite careful disposing of them and spread them about a bit ,sold a few bags of sand on to trusted mates aswell coz i only had a few days to turn them into cash.changed a oner into vouchers in 3 goes ,dare not try any more(bought a skanky mobile with a pop out ariel and no sim lol).bearing in mind that it was february and the place was on it's arse i think i did o.k to make just under 1.5k cash(alot of machines were still on 3 cash 6 tokens then ,although many were on 8pound tokens ...oh and yes there was 10 pound cash but i was only interested in shifting tokens)
you'd think an arcade would notice it's token float rising by a few thousand ,but apparently they had no idea how many wheelbarrows full they had,all i know is they had a nice few full token cups after that little number.
there is a certain ring of truth to some of it.
back in the day of tokens the "perks" were easier, the token bags in my locals were plundered bigtime ,could buy tokens easily and often,some people were partial to a bottle of spirits ,others a carton of fags ,and so on.
best token sort out i had was a full sack for a bottle of jack,alot of tokens that was.
most tokens i ever had was most of the float of merlins when we moved there ,estimated 3.5 to 4k(i fealt like counting them but could'nt be arsed really),by a remarkable stroke of luck they fit the guards on xxLxxSxxxx pier, aswell as a couple of others owned by the same firm,i was given these in lieu of wages in the strictest confidence at a very favourable rate (about 12 days work)my mates car was sitting very low on the suspension for the journy back.
i had to be quite careful disposing of them and spread them about a bit ,sold a few bags of sand on to trusted mates aswell coz i only had a few days to turn them into cash.changed a oner into vouchers in 3 goes ,dare not try any more(bought a skanky mobile with a pop out ariel and no sim lol).bearing in mind that it was february and the place was on it's arse i think i did o.k to make just under 1.5k cash(alot of machines were still on 3 cash 6 tokens then ,although many were on 8pound tokens ...oh and yes there was 10 pound cash but i was only interested in shifting tokens)
you'd think an arcade would notice it's token float rising by a few thousand ,but apparently they had no idea how many wheelbarrows full they had,all i know is they had a nice few full token cups after that little number.
